The Peaceful Parenting Podcast

128: Low Demand Parenting with Amanda Diekman

Nov 15, 2023

55:57

In this episode, Amanda Diekman, an eminent advocate for low-demand parenting, discusses her own experiences as an autistic adult, and how it has shaped her parenting style.

She also explains the core principles of low-demand parenting and emphasizes on building trustful relationships by being creatively supportive to meet the child's distinctive needs. We also look into the parental process of accommodating a child's neurodiversity, experiencing a sense of deep 'why', and their own need within it.

We talk about:

[6:40] What is low demand parenting and how did came to adopt it
[10:35] How she grew low-demand parenting from watching her children
[11:55] The breakdown that changed things with her middle child
[17:00] What happens in the nervous system of a PDA
[19:30] The continuum of resistance when being told what to do
[23:30] How to handle family demands in parenting
[29:00] Getting assessed when there are challenges
[35:30] Handling a hungry kid who won't eat because they're experiencing it as a demand
[37:40] When dropping the demand for the child creates more of a demand for a parent
[41:50] The deep ‘why’
[47:10] Struggling doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong
[50:55] The difference between low demand parenting and permissive parenting
[54:40] Advice to her younger parent self

With two Duke degrees, countless academic papers, and a Masters in Theology under her belt, it seemed she was on a steady path. But in 2020, when her child went into severe autistic burnout, and she was diagnosed with PTSD from parenting, everything in her life changed. She reworked her parenting approach and her self-care rhythms based around radical acceptance. From this experience, the low demand approach was born.

Resources mentioned in this episode: