Episode 484: How to get a raise after slacking off for YEARS and my PM won't stop DM'ing me

7 snips

Oct 27, 2025

In this conversation, a listener grapples with the challenge of asking for a raise after years of minimal effort. The hosts discuss the ethics of being overpaid and strategies to take ownership of one’s career. They highlight the importance of proving a renewed commitment over time and suggest ways to communicate with managers about growth plans. Additionally, they address a project manager's tendency to use DMs instead of public channels, emphasizing the need for transparency and visibility in team discussions.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

ADVICE

Start A New Chapter, Then Prove It

Tell your manager you are starting a new chapter and ask for feedback on your progress instead of immediately asking for money.
After sustaining improved performance for ~6 months, ask what measurable outcomes would justify a specific raise and get that plan in writing.

ADVICE

Get A Written Growth Plan

Ask your boss what specific output or habits would earn, for example, a 15% raise and request they put it in writing.
Use that written plan as a roadmap to earn the raise over the next 12–18 months.

INSIGHT

Raises Lack Perfect Metrics

Compensation decisions rarely map to clear, objective metrics because impact is multivariate and subjective.
Don't wait for perfect metrics; demonstrate tangible impact and craft narratives that show your contribution.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

In this episode, Dave and Jamison answer these questions:

Hi! Love your show and how casually you talk and make fun of everything! I started my career as a freelancer and then joined a mid-size software development company to learn how the sausage is really made, salary wasn’t that important back then. A few kids and a lot more expensive lifestyle later the compensation has become more motivating, but I’m not sure how to sell myself to my manager if I don’t feel like I deserve a high salary myself. (The manager decides the salaries for all our team members.) For years I’ve been focusing on my family and other life stuff, so I’ve spent a looot of working hours not working and basically doing the minimum progress acceptable. Slow progress has come up once with my manager, from which I wiggled out of with various excuses. I’ve realised that this way of working isn’t really fair for the company and my teammates and I’ve started to take this job and my career seriously in the last few months. The company and everyone working there are super supportive and it’s been a terrific experience for all of those years. I’ve gotten a raise multiple times with always me initiating that conversation. There aren’t any clear metrics to improve that directly ties to the salary: I’ve asked my manager about it and the answer was vague like “we have this local salary survey that we take as the base and work from there”. So long story short: how to ask for a raise while not feeling like a criminal since I feel like I haven’t earned the salary I had thus far?
I’m a team lead who’s growing increasingly frustrated with my project manager. Every planning conversation ends up in my private DMs, no matter how many times I’ve asked him to move these discussions to the team chat.

When he messages me one-on-one, my team loses visibility into decisions, questions don’t get addressed openly, and important context just evaporates. It’s not only slowing us down, it also makes me feel like the burden of relaying everything falls squarely on me.

I’ve tried gently redirecting him back to the shared space, but he keeps defaulting to my DMs. How can I get him to respect the boundaries of team communication without damaging our working relationship?

Sincerely, Lost in the PM’s DMs