267. The #1 Relationship Strategy with Dr. Becky Kennedy
Dec 19, 2023
52:11
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Relationship expert Dr. Becky Kennedy discusses the importance of repair in relationships, highlighting the negative consequences of not repairing. She explores the difference between repair and apology and the difficulty of apologizing. They also discuss the power of repairing relationships and the impact it can have on both parties, emphasizing the importance of listening and understanding. The podcast also covers various topics for parents, from diaper mishaps to cashback rewards.
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Quick takeaways
Repairing relationships through open communication and vulnerability is a powerful strategy in building deeper connections.
Repairing relationships can be challenging due to vulnerability and insecurity.
Repairing in parenting is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships with children and teaching them valuable life lessons.
Deep dives
Repairing Relationships and Embracing Imperfection
Repairing relationships through open communication and vulnerability is a powerful strategy in building deeper connections. By separating behavior from identity, individuals can take responsibility for their actions and acknowledge the impact they have on others. Repairing with oneself is essential before repairing with others, as it allows individuals to establish a sense of self-worth and stability. Repairing not only benefits the relationship, but also provides relief and growth for the person offering the repair. Apologies should focus on the specific incident, avoid blaming others, and offer reassurance that the behavior was not the other person's fault.
The Transformative Power of Repair
Repairing relationships is a transformative process that has the power to redefine experiences and rewrite stories. Just as pottery becomes more beautiful with gold filling the cracks, repair in relationships can lead to deeper bonds and stronger connections. Repairing with oneself is essential for providing context and understanding the root causes behind certain behaviors. By addressing the past and separating behavior from identity, individuals can rewrite their personal narratives and enable positive change. Repairing not only benefits the relationship in question, but also sets a powerful example for future intimate relationships.
Understanding the Difficulty of Repair
Repairing relationships can be challenging due to vulnerability and insecurity. It is easier to apologize and repair with someone you have confidence in, as it is grounded in a strong sense of self. Insecure attachments and fear of rejection can make it harder to repair with those we feel less confident in, such as children or partners. Overcoming this difficulty involves separating behavior from identity, acknowledging the impact of actions, and having self-awareness. Repairing with oneself is crucial in order to provide a solid foundation for repairing with others. By understanding the underlying reasons behind challenges in repair, individuals can provide more effective apologies and foster stronger connections.
The Importance of Repairing in Parenting
Repairing in parenting is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships with children and teaching them valuable life lessons. Apologizing to children shows them that mistakes happen, and behavior is separate from identity. Validating children's perceptions and acknowledging their emotions builds trust and understanding. Repairing also helps children develop self-confidence and fosters a sense of safety within the parent-child relationship. Repair can happen at any point in a child's life, and it is never too late to repair past moments. Providing children with a narrative of repair sets the foundation for healthy adult relationships.
Applying the Power of Repair During the Holiday Season
The holiday season provides numerous opportunities for repair in relationships. Repairing requires separating behavior from identity, taking responsibility, and offering reassurance. Repair during the holidays can set the stage for transforming relationships and creating more positive interactions. Repairing can involve validating perceptions, acknowledging mistakes, and mapping out practical strategies to improve future interactions. By repairing, individuals can rewrite stories, strengthen connections, and create lasting memories during the holiday season.
Dr. Becky Kennedy returns to walk us through the #1 strategy for all relationships: REPAIR. She teaches us how to repair by revisiting hard moments to infuse them with love, connection, and new perspectives – and what happens when we don’t repair (it’s not good). Dr. Becky highlights how lack of repair can traumatize us by leaving us alone to make meaning of disconnection.
Plus, we deep dive into the difference between repair and apology, and why it can be so hard to apologize (particularly for Abby to the kids and for Glennon to Abby).
About Dr. Becky:
Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and mom of three – who’s rethinking the way we raise our children – and named “The Millennial Parenting Whisperer” by TIME Magazine. Dr. Becky is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be and founder of the Good Inside Membership platform, a hub with Dr. Becky’s complete parenting content collection all in one place. Dr. Becky hosts Good Inside with Dr Becky, a chart-topping podcast with over 20M downloads. In 2023, Dr. Becky delivered a TED Talk in which she shares “the single most important parenting strategy”.