Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide ERP 502: Beyond Fear and Control: Building Emotional Flexibility in Relationships — An Interview with Dr. Patricia Zurita Ona
Are you letting anxiety and the need to play it safe hold you hostage in your relationships and personal growth? Too often, fear—of rejection, failure, or the unknown—becomes the invisible fence shaping our actions. Perfectionism, procrastination, overthinking, and the constant urge to avoid discomfort can shrink our lives, leaving us disconnected from our true selves and the people we care about most.
In this episode, we explore how fear influences perfectionism, anxiety, and avoidance in our relationships and daily lives. Discover compassionate approaches to working with anxiety—learning why fighting it doesn't work, and how, instead, our willingness to acknowledge, understand, and even befriend discomfort can become a gateway to deeper connection and greater freedom. Through practical tools and real-world strategies like "uncertainty workouts," values-based action, and self-compassion, this episode aims to help you navigate the messy, beautiful process of showing up more authentically for yourself and those you care about.
Dr. Patricia Zurita Ona is on a mission to help people break free from ineffective, play-it-safe patterns so they can begin living rich, purposeful, and meaningful lives. A trained psychologist, she is the author of seven books and co-author of two more. Her expertise has led her to present workshops at both national and international conferences. She also runs a boutique therapy and coaching practice that specializes in the application of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for anxiety. Passionate about her work, she delights in creating personalized resources for every client she serves.
Episode Highlights
06:03 The interconnectedness of anxiety and its impact on life.
09:07 The importance of accepting anxiety instead of fighting it.
10:02 Using values to guide responses and reduce anxiety's control.
13:50 The need to tolerate discomfort in relationships.
18:53 Navigating fear of commitment and embracing uncertainty.
22:49 Building tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty.
24:32 How avoiding uncomfortable emotions can increase suffering and relates to trauma and emotional regulation.
29:52 Values-based exposure and compassionate approaches to fear.
33:41 Developing micro skills for managing difficult conversations.
35:41 Integrating self-compassion and Wise Moves for anxiety management.
38:01 Practical resources, parenting insights, and closing reflections.
Your Check List of Actions to Take
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Take a moment to pause with a deep inhale and exhale, noticing sensations in your body before engaging in difficult conversations or when feeling anxious.
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Instead of fighting anxiety, recognize it as a protective part of your humanity and make room for it.
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When anxiety arises, ask yourself what truly matters to you in that moment to guide your response.
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Embrace uncomfortable feelings in relationships without avoidance, viewing them as essential for growth and authenticity.
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Intentionally expose yourself to uncertainty in small, manageable ways (like trying a new restaurant or activity) to build tolerance.
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When fear surfaces, actively choose actions that align with your core values—even if they feel difficult.
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Treat yourself with gentleness during moments of avoidance, procrastination, or anxiety, recognizing your effort and courage.
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When facing a fearful situation, pause and check in with your body and thoughts, then proceed with intentionality rather than rushing through.
Mentioned
The ACT Workbook for Teens with OCD (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Living Beyond OCD Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Escaping the Emotional Roller Coaster (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Parenting a Troubled Teen (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Acceptance and Commitment Skills for Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
The ACT Workbook for the Anxious Procrastinator (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Dr. Z's Online Classes (link)
ERP 238: How To Find Your Emotional Balance In Relationship
12 Relationship Principles to Strengthen Your Love (free relationship guide) (pdf)
Connect with Dr. Patricia Zurita Ona
Websites: thisisdoctorz.com | eastbaybehaviortherapycenter.com
Facebook: facebook.com/EastBayBehaviorTherapyCenter | facebook.com/Dr-Z-102029237841421
X: twitter.com/DrZ_behaviorist
YouTube: linkedin.com/in/patricia-e-zurita-ona-psy-d-949b5a15
Instagram: instagram.com/dr.z.passionatebehaviorist