Feeling like the 'goober' of your friend group? Dr. K spills the tea on why overgiving and self-deprecation can leave you on the periphery. He shares a relatable birthday story that sets the tone for understanding social dynamics. Discover how to build better connections through 'weak ties' and become the bridge between groups for increased status. Learn about the science of social networks, and why showing your real skills can elevate your self-worth and respect. Say goodbye to feeling forgettable!
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Birthday Party That Exposed Peripheral Status
A patient told Dr. K they wanted help to "stop being a goober" after feeling peripheral in friend groups.
They organized a birthday dinner, cooked for days, and nobody showed up, which sparked the work on this issue.
insights INSIGHT
Goober Is Not A Diagnosis
Being a "goober" isn't a psychiatric diagnosis but a mix of self-esteem and social-skill issues.
These are coachable interpersonal problems rather than pathologies requiring medical treatment.
insights INSIGHT
Social Gravity Determines Importance
Social networks show central and peripheral members; central people set social gravity.
If central people don't attend an event, others often follow, showing who truly matters socially.
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Dr. K unpacks what it means to feel like “the goober” in your friend group. The person who gets invited, but it doesn’t really matter if you show up. Starting from a brutal birthday story where nobody came, he shows how overgiving, bribing people with effort, and constantly trying to be “worth inviting” actually keep you stuck on the edge of every group. Being on the periphery isn’t a diagnosis, but it can wreck your self-esteem and make you feel forgettable even when you technically have friends.
He then breaks down the science of social networks and what actually moves you toward the center of a group. Instead of clinging to one friend circle and making yourself small with self-deprecating humor, he explains how to build more connections, become the “in between” person who links groups, and stop hiding your strengths. Dr. K gives both big-picture strategies and small behavior changes so you can be respected, remembered, and valued instead of feeling like the tagalong.
Topics include:
What it really means to feel like a “goober” in social groups
Clinging behaviors that keep you stuck on the edge of friend circles
Why overinvesting in one group rarely gets you more respect
Eigenvector centrality and how “social gravity” actually works
Forming weak ties and turning them into strong, meaningful connections
Becoming the bridge between different groups to raise your status
How self-deprecating humor and playing small lower your social value
Why showing your real skills and expertise changes how people treat you
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