Author Alexandra Hudson discusses the difference between politeness and civility, emphasizing that true civility goes beyond mere politeness. She explores the importance of breaking social norms to build trust and friendship. The podcast also delves into the relationship between civility and democracy, the role of formal social contracts, and the art of hospitality as a core aspect of civility.
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Quick takeaways
Civility requires being impolite at times to uphold values, tell hard truths, and engage in robust debate.
Reviving the ancient art of hospitality promotes civility by treating strangers with respect, kindness, and generosity.
Civility goes beyond external politeness and requires aligning actions with character, practicing virtues, and fostering integrity.
Deep dives
The Difference between Politeness and Civility
Civility is more than just politeness. It is an internal disposition that requires respecting others as moral equals. Sometimes being civil means being impolite, such as telling hard truths or engaging in robust debate.
The Role of Hospitality in Civility
Reviving the ancient art of hospitality is essential in promoting civility. Hospitality, as seen in the Odyssey, involves showing kindness to strangers and treating them with respect and generosity, even if they can never repay you. It is about putting the needs of others before your own and fostering a sense of community.
Integrity and Revitalizing Civility
Civility goes beyond external politeness and etiquette. It requires aligning our outward actions with our inward character, practicing virtues, and cultivating a sense of integrity. By acting virtuously and showing kindness to others, we shape our own character and contribute to a more civil society.
The Importance of Civility in Confucianism and Society
Confucianism places great importance on the concept of ren, which embodies humaneness, benevolence, goodness, and love. It emphasizes thriving in community with others. The existence of etiquette manuals and handbooks throughout history suggests that people have not always followed these ideals intuitively, leading to the need for written principles to guide them. This shows that the challenge of civility is not limited to any specific era or culture, but is a universal and ongoing aspect of the human condition.
The Relationship Between Etiquette and Democracy
According to sociologist Norbert Elias, the rise of etiquette coincided with the emergence of democracy. Etiquette is essential for democratic societies as it cultivates self-control among citizens. It enables them to engage in reasoned voting and respect differing opinions without resorting to violence. Etiquette serves as a regular exercise, maintaining self-control and fostering a well-functioning culture that supports democracy. Without informal codes of behavior and manners, the formality of the social contract can disintegrate, leading to potential governance by external bodies.
It often seems like we live in a very inconsiderate, indifferent, and ill-mannered time and that the cure for what ails our abrasive and disjointed relations is a lot more politeness. But my guest would say that what we really need is a revival of civility.
Today on the show, Alexandra Hudson — author of The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves — explains the difference between politeness and civility, and how being civil can actually require being impolite. We discuss how civility ensures the health of democracy, and good government relies on citizens' ability to govern themselves and check each other, which may require acting a little like . . . Larry David. We talk about what Homer's Odyssey can teach us about the art of hospitality, the relationship between civility and integrity, and more.