Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive 136: Mother’s Day Momifesto
May 8, 2021
50:00
We've been in a liminal space for the last 15 months or so, since COVID shutdowns. (The word 'liminal' comes from the Latin root limen, meaning threshold). It’s a place where a certain part of our lives has come to an end but the next thing hasn’t yet begun, so we’re in a transitional state.
We're finally starting to see the end of this liminal state but before we can fully emerge into the new world, we need to ask ourselves: what do we want that world to be like?
Do we want to go back to what it was before?
Because the world we had before wasn't working for a lot of parents. We were constantly rushing our children around from one activity to the next, maybe also trying to balance a career at the same time, attending thirty kids' birthday parties a year and just feeling completely spent, most of the time.
If we don't take the time to think about what we want life to be like when we reopen, chances are it'll look pretty much like it used to. And that can seem safe! It's always safer and easier to go back to what we know, rather than forward to what is unknown and scary.
What would something different even look like?
Maybe we would have fewer friends, whom we know much better.
Maybe we would do fewer activities, and spend a bit more time being, rather than always doing.
Maybe we would actually support families financially instead of having a 'families are the bedrock of our society...but you're on your own to provide for it' approach.
In this Mother's Day Momifesto, I explore all of these issues, and encourage you to think about how YOU want to be in this new world.
And if you need help figuring it out, the Parenting Membership is here to help. We'll support you through the challenges of today (how to prevent tantrums! raising healthy eaters! navigating screen time!) while keeping an eye on where we want to go. Because you need both.
Join the waitlist and we'll let you know when enrollment reopens in May 2026. Click the banner to learn more.
Jump to highlights
01:27 The Mother's Day Momifesto
02:04 COVID shutdown
04:28 School reopenings
07:04 18% of women in the US have taken antidepressants
09:29 We try to control our bodies in a variety of ways
12:27 Success is defined for men
19:38 Women working communities
20:25 Plenty of parents and children's needs are not met by the school system
22:47 Intersectionality - the idea that different parts of our identities intersect
25:10 Public transit systems are geared around men
26:17 Contribution of scientific research on COVID 19- women scientists have published 19% fewer papers as lead author
29:26 Standard Body Mass Index calculations are based on the weight of White people
31:41 Nonviolent Communication
34:06 How we can begin to make a difference
44:55 Learning how to meet our own needs is a great place to start
46:44 Reopening of your Parenting Membership will close on the midnight of May 12
References
Andersen, J.P., Nielsen, M.W., Simone, N.L., Lewiss, R.E., & Jagsi, R. (2020). COVID-19 medical papers have fewer women first authors than expected. Elife 9 (2020): e58807.
Belsha, K., Rubinkam, M., LeMee, G.L., & Fenn, L. (2020, September 11). A nationwide divide: Hispanic and Black students more likely than White students to start the year online. Chalkbeat. Retrieved from https://www.chalkbeat.org/2020/9/11/21431146/hispanic-and-black-students-more-likely-than-white-students-to-start-the-school-year-online
Brody, D.J., & Gu, Q. (2020, September). Antidepressant use among adults: United States, 2015-2018. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db377.htm#:~:text=During%202015%E2%80%932018%2C%2013.2%25%20of%20adults%20used%20antidepressants%20in,those%20aged%2060%20and%20over.
Brody, D.J., Pratt, L.A., & Hughes, J.P. (2018 February). Prevalence of depression among adults aged 20 and over: United States, 2013-2016. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db303.htm
Cevic, M., Haque, S.A., Manne-Goehler, J., Sax, P., Majumder, M.S., & Orkin, C. (2021). Gender disparities in coronavirus disease 2019 clinical trial leadership. Clinical Microbiology and Infection (in press). Retrieved from https://www.clinicalmicrobiologyandinfection.com/article/S1198-743X(20)30785-0/fulltext
Coaston, J. (2019, May 28). The intersectionality wars. Vox. Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/5/20/18542843/intersectionality-conservatism-law-race-gender-discrimination
Crenshaw, K. (1989). Demarginalizing the intersection of race and sex: A Black feminist critique of antidiscrimination doctrine, feminist theory and antiracist policies. University of Chicago Legal Forum Vol. 1989, Iss. 1, Article 8. Retrieved from https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/5780707-Demarginalizing-the-Intersection-of-Race-and-Sex
Gurrieri, L., Previte, J., & Brace-Govan, J. (2012). Women’s bodies as sites of control: Inadvertent stigma and exclusion in social marketing. Journal of Macromarketing 33(2), 128-143.
Jackson, A.S., Ellis, K.J., McFarlin, B.K., Sailors, M.H., & Bray, M.S. (2009). Body mass index in defining obesity of diverse young adults: The Training Intervention and Genetics of Exercise Response (TIGER) study. British Journal of Nutrition 102(7), 1084-1090.
Kassova, L. (2020, September 8). The missing perspectives of women in COVID-19 news: A special report on women’s under-representation in news media. The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.iwmf.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/2020.09.16-FULL-COVID-REPORT.pdf
Lewis, H. (2021, March 18). It’s time to lift the female lockdown. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2021/03/sarah-everard-and-female-lockdown/618321/
Livingston, G. (2018, January 18). They’re waiting longer, but U.S. women today more likely to have children than a decade ago. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2018/01/18/theyre-waiting-longer-but-u-s-women-today-more-likely-to-have-children-than-a-decade-ago/
National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. (n.d.). Criminal justice fact sheet. Author. Retrieved from https://www.naacp.org/criminal-justice-fact-sheet/
National Equity Atlas (n.d.). Car access: Everyone needs reliable transportation acces and in most American communities that means a car. Author. Retrieved from https://nationalequityatlas.org/indicators/Car_access#/
Nuttall, F.Q. (2015). Body Mass Index. Obesity, BMI, and health: A critical review. Butrition Today 50(3), 117-128.
Office for National Statistics (n.d.). Homicide in England and Wales: Year ending March 2020. Author. Retrieved from https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/homicideinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2020#groups-of-people-most-likely-to-be-victims-of-homicide
Plank, L. (2019). For the love of men: From toxic to a more mindful masculinity. New York: St. Martin’s.
Spohn, C. (2017). Race and sentencing disparity. Reforming Criminal Justice: A Report of the Academy for Justice on Bridging the Gap Between Scholarship and Reform 4, 1690186. Retrieved from https://law.asu.edu/sites/default/files/pdf/academy_for_justice/9_Criminal_Justice_Reform_Vol_4_Race-and-Sentencing-Disparity.pdf
The New York Times (2021, April 5). As we look ahead to life after the pandemic, many people are wondering what will be different in our lives. Author. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/04/05/us/coronavirus-pandemic.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage
The White House (2021, April 28). Fact sheet: The American families plan. Author. Retrieved from https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2021/04/28/fact-sheet-the-american-families-plan/
Belsha, K., Rubinkam, M., LeMee, G.L., & Fenn, L. (2020, September 11). A nationwide divide: Hispanic and Black students more likely than White students to start the year online. Chalkbeat. Retrieved from https://www.chalkbeat.org/2020/9/11/21431146/hispanic-and-black-students-more-likely-than-white-students-to-start-the-school-year-online
Brody, D.J., & Gu, Q. (2020, September). Antidepressant use among adults: United States, 2015-2018. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db377.htm#:~:text=During%202015%E2%80%932018%2C%2013.2%25%20of%20adults%20used%20antidepressants%20in,those%20aged%2060%20and%20over.
Brody, D.J., Pratt, L.A., & Hughes, J.P. (2018 February). Prevalence of depression among adults aged 20 and over: United States, 2013-2016. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db303.htm
Cevic, M., Haque, S.A., Manne-Goehler, J., Sax, P., Majumder, M.S., & Orkin, C. (2021). Gender disparities in coronavirus disease 2019 clinical trial leadership. Clinical Microbiology and Infection (in press). Retrieved from https://www.clinicalmicrobiologyandinfection.com/article/S1198-743X(20)30785-0/fulltext
Coaston, J. (2019, May 28). The intersectionality wars. Vox. Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/5/20/18542843/intersectionality-conservatism-law-race-gender-discrimination
Crenshaw, K. (1989). Demarginalizing the intersection of race and sex: A Black feminist critique of antidiscrimination doctrine, feminist theory and antiracist policies. University of Chicago Legal Forum Vol. 1989, Iss. 1, Article 8. Retrieved from https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/5780707-Demarginalizing-the-Intersection-of-Race-and-Sex
Gurrieri, L., Previte, J., & Brace-Govan, J. (2012). Women’s bodies as sites of control: Inadvertent stigma and exclusion in social marketing. Journal of Macromarketing 33(2), 128-143.
Jackson, A.S., Ellis, K.J., McFarlin, B.K., Sailors, M.H., & Bray, M.S. (2009). Body mass index in defining obesity of diverse young adults: The Training Intervention and Genetics of Exercise Response (TIGER) study. British Journal of Nutrition 102(7), 1084-1090.
Kassova, L. (2020, September 8). The missing perspectives of women in COVID-19 news: A special report on women’s under-representation in news media. The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.iwmf.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/2020.09.16-FULL-COVID-REPORT.pdf
Lewis, H. (2021, March 18). It’s time to lift the female lockdown. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2021/03/sarah-everard-and-female-lockdown/618321/
Livingston, G. (2018, January 18). They’re waiting longer, but U.S. women today more likely to have children than a decade ago. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2018/01/18/theyre-waiting-longer-but-u-s-women-today-more-likely-to-have-children-than-a-decade-ago/
National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. (n.d.). Criminal justice fact sheet. Author. Retrieved from https://www.naacp.org/criminal-justice-fact-sheet/
National Equity Atlas (n.d.). Car access: Everyone needs reliable transportation acces and in most American communities that means a car. Author. Retrieved from https://nationalequityatlas.org/indicators/Car_access#/
Nuttall, F.Q. (2015). Body Mass Index. Obesity, BMI, and health: A critical review. Butrition Today 50(3), 117-128.
Office for National Statistics (n.d.). Homicide in England and Wales: Year ending March 2020. Author. Retrieved from https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/homicideinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2020#groups-of-people-most-likely-to-be-victims-of-homicide
Plank, L. (2019). For the love of men: From toxic to a more mindful masculinity. New York: St. Martin’s.
Spohn, C. (2017). Race and sentencing disparity. Reforming Criminal Justice: A Report of the Academy for Justice on Bridging the Gap Between Scholarship and Reform 4, 1690186. Retrieved from https://law.asu.edu/sites/default/files/pdf/academy_for_justice/9_Criminal_Justice_Reform_Vol_4_Race-and-Sentencing-Disparity.pdf
The New York Times (2021, April 5). As we look ahead to life after the pandemic, many people are wondering what will be different in our lives. Author. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/04/05/us/coronavirus-pandemic.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage
The White House (2021, April 28). Fact sheet: The American families plan. Author. Retrieved from https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/statements-releases/2021/04/28/fact-sheet-the-american-families-plan/