Learn about signs to look out for when dating someone who is still healing from a past relationship, the importance of emotional distance and perspective, and how to gauge if someone is serious about moving forward. Discover how to avoid relationship ruin and false intimacy, and why prioritizing availability over chemistry is key to attracting commitment.
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Quick takeaways
Length of time since a breakup is not a reliable indicator of emotional availability, instead gauge how deeply the person is still affected by their past relationship.
Pay attention to whether the person is actively focused on personal growth and moving on with their life, rather than dwelling solely on their pain and longing for their ex.
Deep dives
Emotional Distance is Key
The length of time since a breakup is not a reliable indicator of emotional availability. Instead, it is important to gauge how deeply the person is still affected by their past relationship. Look for signs of emotional distance, clarity, and perspective. It's not about fully healing all pain, but rather the ability to see things clearly and actively work towards moving forward.
Seriousness about Moving Forward
Pay attention to whether the person is actively focused on personal growth and moving on with their life, rather than dwelling solely on their pain and longing for their ex. Progress should align with their actions, such as talking less about the ex and demonstrating a desire to find a more suitable relationship. Beware of statements that jeopardize what they have with you, as it suggests they may not be serious about progressing with you.
Avoid Confusing Genuine Emotion with Progression
When someone is in a lot of pain, they may seek comfort from others, which can create a false sense of intimacy and connection. However, it does not necessarily mean they are seeking a genuine relationship. Avoid being used as a substitute for the comfort and familiarity they had in their previous relationship. Don't prioritize chemistry and connection at the expense of someone's availability; it's essential that they are emotionally ready and committed.
How do you know if someone’s really over their ex? Sometimes you meet a person who ticks all your boxes, but they also haven’t 100% gotten over the heartbreak of their last relationship. Of course, the first questions you ask yourself are: “Is this a huge red flag? Does it mean they are emotionally unavailable? Should I walk away?” This is a really important topic in today’s episode, and my answer to this probably isn’t what you’d expect. Give it a watch to find out the signs you can look out for to discern whether someone is truly a bad bet or if they have real potential.
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