Ep 137: A Different Way to Talk About Puberty

Michelle Mitchell, author of A Girl’s Guide to Puberty and A Guy’s Guide to Puberty, shares her top tips preparing young people for puberty. Rather than cringing at the awkwardness, Michelle suggests we can embrace body changes as the beautiful part of life they are!

Full show notes

Puberty is a pretty intense experience for both teens and parents! Kids are going through a million different changes throughout their minds and bodies, while parents watch from the sidelines and try not to get caught in the crossfire! Although the mood swings can be brutal, one of the hardest parts of parenting a kid through puberty is wondering if you gave them all the right talks to prepare them for this crazy ride.

Although having the puberty talk is hard, it’s not something that can be pushed aside. If no one walks a teens through the changes their body is experiencing, they can feel isolated. They may think they’re alone in the process, without someone to turn to for advice or reassurance. But speaking with kids early and often about puberty can help them approach their adolescence with confidence instead of confusion.

To understand how we can guide kids through their coming-of-age, we’re talking to Michelle Mitchell, author of both A Guys Guide to Puberty and A Girls Guide to Puberty. We’ve had Michelle on the show twice before, but her advice is so helpful that we invited her back for a third! In this interview, she’s delving into the ways parents can help kids navigate all the twists and turns that puberty brings.

In the episode, Michelle and I discuss how you can have those tricky talks about the process of puberty. That includes everything from periods to pimples. We also get into how we can teach boys about the female body and vice versa.

Initiating the Conversation

Even if we know how important a puberty talk can be, we might not know where to start. We might even just be too embarrassed to start one up! But don't fret! Michelle is here to give us some pointers.

Michelle suggests starting these talks a little earlier than you might expect–around age 8-12. In her eyes, the earlier you start helping kids understand their bodies, the better equipped they’ll be when they suddenly find themselves having crushes on boys and outgrowing all their shoes. Plus, before they develop that distinctly teenage embarrassment, they’re much more inclined to have these chats without squirming,

So how do you strike up such a delicate conversation with an eight year old? Michelle says you should take your child aside and tell them that you want to have a special talk, just the two of you. She also recommends setting a specific amount of time for the talk beforehand. This helps kids feel like they aren’t entering into an endless conversation about the importance of condoms and deodorant!.

Michelle details how every good puberty talk should allow kids to choose what they want to discuss and what topics are off limits. If a kid says “I don’t want to talk about this now, maybe later,” this is simply them expressing ownership of their own body, says Michelle. She believes it’s empowering for kids to be able to set these kinds of parameters. Allowing them some jurisdiction over the conversation can be a powerful experience for them

In the episode, Michelle dives deep into the changes going on in your teens’ mind as they cross into puberty. She explains that the brain is what starts to change first–which is why it makes no sense to wait for physical signs of puberty to start having a talk about it. Those physical signs, however, can be an important thing to warn teens about. Michelle and I get into how you can do so in our interview.

Breaking Down Body Changes

Pimples, periods, body odor, hair in places they never expected….puberty is a roller coaster ride of physical changes. If we want kids to hang on for dear life during this wild journey, we’ve got to prepare them ahead of time. Otherwise, they’ll likely feel as though they can’t reach out or like they’re the only one going through it, says Michelle. Some kids also develop a little early or a little late, and these teens might need some extra reassurance as they’re likely receiving different treatment from their peers.

Michelle emphasizes the importance of assuring kids that they are totally unique in how their body goes through these changes, and that their uniqueness is powerful. They should never feel ashamed about where they are compared to their peers, and it’s valuable to remind them of that, says Michelle. In the episode, Michelle explains how you can make the physical aspects of the puberty process feel less embarrassing and more exciting.

We also talk all about periods, and how you can prepare a young woman to get her first one. Michelle says most girls desperately want to know when it will arrive. She suggests reminding them that they can never quite know, but empowering them with the ability to be ready for it at any time. She recommends helping your daughter pick out a “period pack with all the important supplies, giving her the choice of what to put inside (with some guidance, of course).

But what about boys? Do they need to know about periods too? Of course, says Michelle. Not only do we need to teach kids to respect their own bodies, but the bodies of other kids as well.

Teaching Kids to Respect their Peers

When kids are tying to deal with all these changes, they often cope by gossiping about other kids’ bodies or speculating about the opposite sex. But this can be disrespectful and hurtful! Michelle believes it’s important to teach kids to see the person inside the physical body and understand what they might be going through,

Michelle explains how valuable it can be to give kids run down on what the opposit sex is experiencing during puberty. For boys, knowing about periods can help them be much more empathic to girls who are dealing with the confusions of starting the process. Michelle talks about how we can approach this topic with young men in the episode. For girls, learning about male functions like erections can keep them from being confused or embarrassing a classmate by pointing one out out loud in class.

What Michelle really emphasizes here is helping kids develop empathy. The ability to treat others kindly and respect their personal journeys is an important lesson for life. All teens are struggling with different battles during this turbulent period of life, so teaching our kids to be polite and courteous to others going through puberty can be incredibly impactful, says Michelle.

In the Episode…

Along with being extremely knowledgeable, Michelle is also hilarious and lovely to talk with! This episode is full of laughs and fun stories. In addition to the topics above we also discuss:

• What parents can convey to kids that school can’t
• How we need to talk more with kids about “bumps and lumps”
• Effects of changing testosterone levels
• Shaving as empowering
• How to get your kid to take care of their own hygiene

Puberty is daunting, but with Michelle’s help, we can get kids (and parents) to the other side. If you enjoyed listening today, you can check out more of Michelle’s work by going to her website. Michellemitchell.org. Don’t forget to share and subscribe, and we’ll...