142: Collars, Limerence, and Cum Boundaries: What To Talk About Before Your First Play Party

Oct 16, 2025

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This week, Vee and Elle unpack everything couples should talk about before stepping into a shared play space—from emotional boundaries to desires, jealousy, and how to reconnect afterward, using a conversation framework they learned on an ISTA retreat. From collars and rituals to new relationship energy (NRE), aka limerence, and the messy middle between fantasy and reality—Vee goes deep on her experience. Whether you're new to the lifestyle, playing with a new partner, or redefining your relationship agreements, this episode is packed with real talk, practical tools, and deeply personal moments.

RDBSM (Relationship, Desires, Boundaries, Sexual Health, Meaning). (00:25)

R: Relationship: Vee navigates a new Monogamish relationship with Mister A. Dom/sub dynamics and wearing collars to denote ownership and ritual. (6:13)

Conscious Relating: redefining your relationships as they fit into your life. (7:26)

D: Desires: playing together with another couple or a female unicorn. (13:31)

B: Boundaries: the idea of men’s cum as ownership leading to wanting to be there for your partner’s orgasm. (13:57)

NRE (New Relationship Energy) vs Love: WTF is limerence? And how do you know when it’s evolved from new relationship energy to actual true romantic love? Instability vs stability. (17:14)

Boundaries contd: Not playing separately, keeping play and connection in the container of the scene or the play party, and then “keep it in the group text”. Locking in and taking the performative aspect out of exhibitionism. (20:37)

M: Meaning: creating a container to explore safely within the time boundaries of the party. (26:30)

Traffic Light System: What to do in the moment if you’re feeling activated or jealous? Borrowing from BDSM scenes to have a safe word or traffic light system in more traditional scenes. (29:15)

A: Aftercare: going home together, reconnecting, and talking over breakfast? (33:13)

Post-Party: Back to School theme and showing ownership by wearing a collar. (34:29)

Wax Play experience: performing for your man when you know he’s watching. (37:38)

Connecting with your partner first: Vee cums for the first time at a play party! (42:44)

Mixed feelings: Watching your partner fuck someone else. What a guy should say when the female is unsure about playing. (45:42)

Popping their cherry: Vee and Mister A play with another couple for the first time. (51:08)

Aftercare and debriefing the next day. (57:02)

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