The Right Way To Compare Yourself

Feb 6, 2025

Self-comparison can be a trap, especially for perfectionists. Discover empowering ways to reshape how you compare yourself and the importance of the CAKE skill set—Connect, Accept, Kindness, Empathy. Explore the difference between healthy and unhealthy comparisons and learn how to break free from fear-based striving. With tools to instantly upgrade your perspective, embrace the present while fostering personal growth. It’s time to feel as amazing inside as your life looks on paper!

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INSIGHT

Comparing Is A Cognitive Reflex

Comparing yourself is a cognitive reflex tied to counterfactual thinking common in perfectionists.
The crucial factor is your conscious response to these initial self-comparisons, not eliminating them.

ADVICE

Use CAKE Skill Set

Develop the skill set of CAKE: Connect, Accept, Kindness, and Empathy to manage self-comparisons effectively.
This skill enables you to consciously choose your response to perfectionistic thoughts and feelings.

ADVICE

Criteria For Healthy Comparisons

Healthy comparisons involve something within your control, explicit about change, and solutions-oriented from possibility, not fear.
Without all three aspects, comparisons are unhealthy and disempowering.

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It’s impossible to stop self-comparison as a perfectionist. You.Are.Going.To.Compare.Yourself and here’s the best way to do it! Discover 6 empowering ways to rewire unhealthy self-comparisons, perfectionism trash trades, how to tell if you’re fear-based striving, live coaching on 4 IRL examples of comparing, the only skillset you need for this to work 100% of the time and a tool to instantly upgrade comparing yourself

On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or becoming JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire

TIMESTAMPS:

01:26-Choosing Your Response to Comparisons
03:07-The Skill Set of CAKE
05:41-Trash Trades in Perfectionism
06:55-Healthy vs. Unhealthy Comparisons
08:47-How to Reframe Self-Critical Thoughts
09:25-Breaking Free from Fear-Based Striving
10:49-Living in the Present, Not the Future
15:52-What Self-Comparisons Actually Reveal
17:39-Tool to instantly upgrade comparing yourself
21:48-How Tiny, Mighty Progress Fuels You

Resources Mentioned In Episode 247:

Perfect Start Introductory Session Single Coaching Session
Comparing Yourself [PART ONE] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 245
How Can I Stop Comparing Myself [PART TWO] Perfectionism Rewired Eo. 246
Meeting Yourself Where You Are Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 187
Will Save Your Sanity(might change your life) Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 193

Citations/Sources:

Olson, J. M., Buhrmann, O., & Roese, N. J. (2000). Comparing Comparisons. Handbook of Social Comparison, 379–398. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4615-4237-7_18

Sirois, F.M., Monforton, J. and Simpson, M. (2010) "If Only I Had Done Better": Perfectionism and the Functionality of Counterfactual Thinking. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , 36 (12). 1675 - 1692. ISSN 0146-1672 https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167210387614

Stoeber, J., & Diedenhofen, B. (2017). Multidimensional perfectionism and counterfactual thinking: Some think upward, others downward. Personality and Individual Differences, 119, 118–121. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2017.07.009

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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.