Healing Through Conscious Relationship - with Sheleana Aiyana
Apr 4, 2018
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Sheleana Aiyana, a writer and group facilitator, discusses the importance of 'Deep Work' and its impact on personal growth and relationships. They explore trauma, shadow aspects, and the power of conscious relationships. They also touch on topics like healing through expression, the Nice Guy phenomenon, and dealing with triggers in relationships. Throughout the conversation, they emphasize the significance of support, community, and rewriting personal narratives for positive change.
Deep work involves exploring our consciousness to reclaim territory dominated by the unconscious, fostering personal and emotional growth.
Relationship patterns can be influenced by early childhood experiences, and conscious relationships require open communication and movement towards partners.
Men's and women's groups provide supportive communities where individuals can be vulnerable, challenge societal norms, and foster personal growth and healing.
Deep dives
The Growing Movement of Men's and Women's Work
The podcast episode explores the growing movement of men's and women's work, highlighting the increasing interest and participation in groups aimed at personal growth and support. The host discusses his own involvement in a men's group, while the guest talks about her experience leading women's groups. They both note the rise of interest from younger generations in doing deeper work and seeking greater self-awareness at an earlier age. They emphasize the importance of these groups in fostering personal growth, building stronger relationships, and creating a sense of community.
Understanding the Importance of Deep Work
The podcast delves into the concept of deep work and its significance in personal growth. Deep work is described as the practice of exploring one's shadow side, examining uncomfortable aspects of oneself, such as insecurities, fears, and repressed emotions. By delving into these murky waters and accepting one's whole self, individuals can cultivate self-awareness and embrace true self-acceptance. The podcast highlights the role of deep work in building healthier relationships and fostering personal and emotional growth.
Recognizing Relationship Patterns and Their Impact
The episode examines the patterns and dynamics that often emerge in relationships, particularly the tendencies towards anxious or avoidant behaviors. The speakers discuss how these patterns can affect the ability to create and maintain deep connections. They explore the impact of early childhood experiences on relationship dynamics and emphasize the importance of conscious relationships. The episode also highlights the need for individuals to move towards their partners and engage in open, compassionate communication to foster understanding and growth.
The Power of Supportive Communities and Being Seen
The podcast highlights the importance of supportive communities, such as men's and women's groups, in providing a space for individuals to be seen, heard, and accepted. It emphasizes the power of being vulnerable and sharing one's emotions and struggles within a safe and non-judgmental environment. The speakers discuss how these communities allow individuals to challenge societal norms and myths surrounding emotions and facilitate personal growth and healing. They also highlight the transformative impact of supportive communities on fostering deeper connections and redefining the concept of a tribe in today's individualistic society.
Moving Beyond Division
It is important for both men and women to move beyond viewing each other as enemies or threats. Encouraging and supporting each other to do their own gender-specific work is crucial. Building respect and trust in relationships is powerful, especially when it comes to allowing partners to join gender-specific support groups.
Transcending Political Debates
Engaging in political debates about gender-related topics often distracts from personal growth and healing. Staying stuck in a victim-vs-oppressor mindset does not serve us. Instead, we need to focus on our own work, feeling our own feelings, and creating a space for understanding and dialogue. Men's work and women's work can support each other in this process, promoting transformation and healing.
Sheleana Aiyana is a writer and group facilitator in Vancouver, BC and she joins me to discuss the implications and importance of doing whats called "Deep Work" - looking inward to explore our consciousness in order to reclaim some of the territory usually dominated by the unconsciouss.
In this episode we discuss the growing movement of women's and men's groups that are involved with deep work, and how they are affecting huge changes in the lives of their members.
Shelena and I candidly share our own relationship patterns as a way of showing what we are learning about how relationships can derail, and how to be in "conscious relationship".
Topics we cover in this episode:
Trauma and blocked emotions
How we unconsciously act out our trauma
"Shadow aspects" and how they show up
Why relationships are our biggest trigger
How relationships can offer a powerful catalyst for healing our wounds
Discipline of children through the withdrawal of love
Healing through expressing what hasn't been allowed
Needy-ness and Avoidance - two signs that you've got healing to do