#92: Doing the Work Out of the Wounds

On this episode, we wanted to unpack what it looks like for men to do recovery out of the wounds (versus living recovery and not making everything about the wounds). Jason starts with explaining a bit more as to what he means by this: in the addiction (or integrity issue) - men are operating out of the wounds. In other words - the acting out mitigates the pain of the wounds. The same can happen in recovery - the recovery work mitigates (or is driven by) the wounds.

I asked Jason to give an example from his own life (from early recovery). For instance - him wanting to be seen (to feel significant) for not acting out today.   Bottom line - it’s important for men to ask themselves: are you doing recovery in a way that recovery becomes the thing that mitigates the pain of the wounds VERSUS doing the right thing because it is the right thing.   Common symptoms:  

• a wife feels confused
• him being motivated by feedback
• a husband finds himself saying things like: why won’t you just see me doing this work?
• self righteous indignance shrouded in false humility (and isn’t that a mouthful!)

ALL that said - what do we do about it?

1. We have to decide we don’t want to live this way anymore (which means we have to acknowledge it as a problem and then also own it as our fault, not anyone else’s).
2. Surrender the demand of the wound.
3. When we surrender / let go - we shift from holding onto who we have been TO leaning against our identity in Jesus.
4. Watch for yourself living out of the wound - we do this by practicing awareness and then asking ourselves (as an example): why am I so defined by if people see my progress or not?

What Jason says to men when sharing with them that they can lean on their identity in Jesus (see Psalm 139): You are dearly loved and infinitely valuable. Simply by nature of the fact that the God of the universe imagined you before time. He knit you together in your mother’s womb. And counted every hair on your head. And then decided on a specific day in human history that he would breathe life into you. And by that, you can know that you are not a mistake.   We ARE going to drop an infographic into the podcast freebies folder in the next week or so to include what Jason says above about our identity in Jesus. I’ll make sure and post it on IG once it is ready and we can also send out an email if you are a subscriber to the podcast freebies alerting you that it’s ready.   We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season #7.

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