Episode 697: De-Centering Men Part 1: What it means and what it costs us

I’ve been circling this topic for years in my personal life, and today I’m finally ready to name it out loud: what it means to center men—and the quiet, persistent ways it costs us. This isn’t a takedown of men. It’s a conversation about the water we swim in, how it shapes our choices, and why so many of us end up orbiting someone else’s needs while abandoning our own.

In this first of a two-part series, I briefly unpack the language and the lived reality—androcentrism, “woman as Other,” the male gaze, compulsory heterosexuality, and self-silencing—and connect those ideas to everyday moments in dating, marriage, work, family roles, and even how we present ourselves. I also go deeper into patriarchal bargains,something I see over and over in my own life, the lives of my clients, and most (if not all) of the women I know. I weave in my own story and experiences from clients and friends so you can spot the pattern with compassion, not self-blame.

This is what you’ll hear in this episode:

• A clear metaphor for “centering men” (the sun and orbit) and how it shows up in real life.

• Plain-language definitions of key terms (androcentrism, male gaze, “woman as Other,” patriarchal bargains, comphet, self-silencing).

• Why patriarchal bargains often feel like safety—and why the price tag grows over time.

• Everyday examples across dating, long-term partnership, work, family labor, and appearance.

• The emotional, relational, and cultural costs: confusion of identity, chronic anxiety, resentment, power imbalances, and internalized policing.

• How health can be impacted when self-silencing becomes a lifestyle (and why this deserves reverence, not shame).

• A gentle invitation to notice where you might be orbiting—and what questions to journal on before we move into solutions.

Part one names the pattern and its costs so you can see it with clarity and care in your own life: centering men isn’t a personal failing—it’s a survival strategy many of us learned. Awareness is the first move. 

In part two (in two weeks), we’ll focus on solutions: how to decenter without burning your life down, rebuild self-trust and voice, and practice relational autonomy in dating, work, and partnership. 

Resources from this episode:

Get updates on my new book Live Like You Give a Damn (out December 9!)

Learn about Devotion and see if it’s for you

The invention of “The Male Gaze” article by Laura Michelle Jackson

Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!  

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Episode link: https://andreaowen.com/podcast/697

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