183. When the Kids Aren't With You For Christmas (Divorce Support)

Support and survival tools for one of the hardest days of divorce.

“When the house is quiet, the feelings are loud.” If you’re facing Christmas (or any holiday) without your kids, this episode is your survival guide.

Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill talk about one of the most painful parts of divorce: the first (or early) holidays when your children are with the other parent. The anxiety can start days in advance, and the empty-house silence can feel unbearable — but Morgan reminds listeners that this is usually a moment in time, not a sign that you made the wrong decision about divorce.

You’ll hear real, practical tools for getting through the day hour-by-hour (doggy paddling counts), what not to do when you’re spiraling, and why “effective support” matters. You’ll also get tips for keeping conversations with your kids positive, avoiding emotional landmines, and making a plan that helps you survive the holiday — without shame, stalking your ex, or numbing yourself into oblivion.

In This Episode, We Cover

1. Why holidays without your kids after divorce can feel like a crisis moment
2. How to tell the difference between grief and a “divorce decision”
3. Why “two truths can coexist” (you can be doing the right thing and it can hurt)
4. The best coping strategies for surviving Christmas without your children
5. What not to do: social media spirals, isolating, stalking your ex, emotional decisions
6. Why moving your body helps your mind calm down (“an exhausted body is a calm mind”)
7. How to use community support (even anonymously) when you feel alone
8. How to talk to your kids without making them feel responsible for your emotions
9. Co-parenting communication tools (and why OurFamilyWizard helps when rules aren’t followed)
10. Morgan’s “Chad” story: how making a plan helped a parent survive the first Christmas alone
11. Why leaving the house is the #1 non-negotiable tool (even a drive-through counts)

Key Takeaways

1) This is normal — it doesn’t mean you’re weak

Andrea says it best: no amount of self-care candles fixes the fact that your kids aren’t here. Missing your children doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re hurting.

2) Don’t make big decisions in a holiday spiral

Morgan sees clients question everything during the holidays — but she rarely sees people truly halt divorce because of it. These feelings are real, but they’re usually temporary.

3) Doggy paddling is still progress

You don’t have to “thrive” today. You just have to get through it. Hour-by-hour is allowed.

Holiday Survival Plan (From the Episode)

Here’s your breakdown, straight from Morgan + Andrea:

✅ 1. Move your body (or at least get moving)

1. Walk outside if you can
2. If it’s cold: use a short YouTube workout video
3. If you hate workouts: get in your car and go somewhere (Target counts)

✅ 2. Get support — and help someone else

1. Join the private community (anonymous if needed)
2. Post what you’re doing to lift your spirits
3. Ask for support or distractions if you’re struggling
4. Compliment a stranger — small moments matter

✅ 3. Do something with your hands

Clean. Organize. Junk drawer. Closet. Anything that creates:

1. distraction
2. accomplishment
3. a tiny sense of control in a messy season

✅ 4. Have a plan for the day (chunk it- hee hee "chunk" is such a funny word)

Morning / midday / evening. Decide:

1. where you’ll go
2. what you’ll eat
3. what you’ll watch
4. what you’ll do when the feelings hit

✅ 5. Keep kid conversations brief + positive

Don’t guilt your kids or make them feel responsible for your sadness. Have a “safe” positive story ready before you call.

✅ Bonus idea: go to a movie

It’s a built-in time block, gets you out of the house, and gives your brain a break.

What NOT To Do (Important)

1. Don’t numb yourself into oblivion (alcohol, doom scrolling, dissociating)
2. Don’t isolate all day
3. Don’t stalk your ex or interrogate your kids
4. Don’t make big legal/emotional decisions today
5. Don’t shame yourself for feeling sad or relieved
6. If you’re spiraling: stay off social media

Here are some podcasts we love:

Morgan's picks:

NPR News Now (omg boring)

Big Deal

Andrea's picks:

Crime Junkie

Andrea's favorite YouTube workout channel-

https://www.youtube.com/@MadFit

Join our private community here: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/17bUX16Wvz/

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.

Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorce

Follow Andrea: @theandrearappaport

Follow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago