S3 Ep 33: How to Cultivate A Healthy Sense of Achievement Within Your Kids
Aug 18, 2023
auto_awesome
Jennifer Wallace, author of Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic, discusses the importance of mattering in raising successful children and fostering a sense of contribution. She also explores healthy and dirty fuel as forms of motivation for children, providing strategies for parents to identify and nurture healthy motivation.
Children who have a high level of mattering, feeling valued for who they are, are more resilient and can navigate setbacks better.
Parents can promote healthy motivation by nurturing children's strengths, using healthy fuel, and providing affection and support during setbacks.
Deep dives
The Importance of Mattering in Healthy Strivers
The podcast episode explores the concept of mattering and its significance in the lives of healthy strivers. Mattering refers to feeling valued by one's family, friends, and community for who they are at their core, and being depended on to add meaningful value back. The episode highlights that children who have a high level of mattering are more resilient and can navigate setbacks better. It also discusses the negative impact of contingent mattering, where children feel they only matter when they achieve. The episode emphasizes that parents can promote mattering by focusing on small everyday contributions within the family, such as expressing love and appreciation beyond achievements.
Instilling Healthy Fuel and Motivation
The podcast delves into the distinction between healthy and unhealthy motivation for children. Healthy fuel involves guiding children to have a broader perspective of success and nurturing their strengths. Dirty fuel, on the other hand, relies on criticism and unhealthy comparisons to drive achievement. The episode provides examples of how parents can use healthy fuel, such as helping children identify their strengths and finding ways to match those strengths with obstacles they face. It also emphasizes the importance of affection and support during setbacks, reinforcing that a child's worth is not tied to their performance.
Actionable Steps for Fostering Mattering and Healthy Striving
The podcast concludes by offering practical suggestions for parents to promote mattering and healthy striving in their households. These include making mattering explicit by discussing it with children, conducting regular family meetings where all members are equal contributors and problem solvers, and providing opportunities for children to contribute meaningfully within the family and community. The episode encourages parents to focus more on mattering rather than external achievements and offers resources, such as a strength survey, to help parents identify and support their children's strengths. Small shifts in parenting approaches can have a significant positive impact on children's well-being and sense of mattering.
This week, we sit down with Jennifer Wallace, author of Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic - And What We Can Do About It to discuss the culture of mattering and achievement culture in our schools. Understanding the impact that our praise can have on our children is crucial. We discuss healthy achievement, identity building, and more. Visit thematteringmovement.com for more information.
I WROTE MY FIRST BOOK! Pre-order your copy of The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humanshttps://draliza.com/pre-order/
Subscribe to my free newsletter for parenting tips delivered straight to your inbox: draliza.substack.com
Follow me on Instagram for more: @raisinggoodhumanspodcast
This episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct, or indirect financial interest in products, or services referred to in this episode.