Episode 202: Balancing Achievement and Authenticity as an Enneagram 3 w/coach Tyler Zach
Dec 18, 2023
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Tyler Zach, a pastor, author, and Enneagram coach, joins the podcast to discuss his struggles with authenticity and the pressure to achieve. They explore finding a balance between ambition and family, enjoying activities without the need for recognition, and navigating relationships using the Enneagram.
Balance ambition and work with family and social life.
Take time for yourself without the pressure to achieve recognition.
Encourage your child's unique personality while navigating their Enneagram Type.
Deep dives
Understanding Authenticity and Reflection
Tyler, a type three, reflects on his past roles and achievements, questioning the authenticity of his actions. He realizes that he often accepted invitations to specific roles based on external validation and the belief that he would excel in them. However, he is now challenging himself to differentiate between his desires and the desires projected onto him. He aims to let go of living through his children, particularly his son, who is a counterphobic six. Tyler struggles to strike a balance between encouraging his son to achieve and respecting his authentic desires, such as spending time with friends. He acknowledges the difficulty of relinquishing his own aspirations for his son and the tension it creates in their relationship.
The Human Doing vs. Human Being
Tyler recognizes that as a type three, he often gets caught in the cycle of being a "human doing" rather than a "human being." He feels the constant need to achieve and accomplish, driven by the belief that more accomplishments will bring more value and fulfillment. This mindset can sometimes overshadow his family and relationships. He understands the importance of reflecting on what truly belongs to him and what he genuinely desires. By asking himself, "What's mine to achieve?", he aims to prioritize his goals without neglecting his family and personal growth.
Navigating Parenting as a Three
Tyler grapples with parenting his counterphobic six son. He wants his son to experience success and excel in extracurricular activities, assuming these experiences will shape his son's future. However, his son prioritizes friendships and loyalty, often finding more joy and satisfaction within his social circle. This creates tension between their perspectives and desires. Tyler realizes that he needs to strike a balance between encouraging his son to step out of his comfort zone and honoring his son's authentic self. It is challenging for him to let go of his own dreams and support his son's unique path while fostering a healthy parent-child relationship.
Importance of Having a Coach
Having a coach is crucial even for those who have extensive knowledge about the Enneagram. The coach helps in integrating the knowledge and truth of the Enneagram into one's life more effectively. They offer a powerful perspective and reflection that is often more impactful than self-reflection. Enneagram coaching provides the space to delve deeper into self-discovery and facilitates personal growth by highlighting new directions for personal development.
Navigating the Balance Between Achievement and Being
For threes, who are characterized by their drive for achievement, finding a balance between accomplishing goals and simply being can be challenging. The fear of failure and the constant need for progress and accomplishment can hinder their ability to fully enjoy the present and rest. Nevertheless, by cultivating trust in oneself and embracing the pleasure of being, threes can find fulfillment even in activities that don't contribute directly to their achievements. It's a mindset shift that allows them to redefine success and experience joy in moments of stillness and enjoyment, outside of the constant need to produce or strive for more.
Today on the podcast, Beth interviews Tyler Zach (Type 3), a pastor, author, and Enneagram coach and researcher. As a Type 3, Tyler opens up about his struggles with authenticity, the pressure he feels to constantly achieve, and the inner conflict of discerning essential goals in a world full of potential goals.
⭐ Learn how to reevaluate roles and find a balance between ambition/work and your family/social life.
⭐ Explore the guilt associated with taking time for yourself and the importance of enjoying activities without the pressure to achieve recognition.
⭐ Discover how to encourage your child's unique personality traits and interests by utilizing The Dance to help you navigate the different Enneagram Types within your family.