In this thought-provoking discussion, Carrie Jenkins, a Professor of Philosophy at the University of British Columbia and author of "Sad Love," challenges traditional views of romantic love. She argues for a broader understanding that includes the complexities of sadness and personal growth. They explore the illusion of romantic love, advocate for non-monogamy, and stress the importance of emotional honesty. By redefining love beyond mere happiness, they spotlight the value of diverse relationships and meaningful connections in our lives.
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insights INSIGHT
Harmful Myth
The "happily ever after" myth is a harmful yardstick we measure ourselves against.
It sets unrealistic expectations, leading to feelings of failure even when relationships are otherwise healthy.
insights INSIGHT
Sadness as Failure
Sadness in love is often viewed as a failure because love is equated with happiness.
This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or unlovability when relationships experience normal difficulties.
insights INSIGHT
Eudaimonic Love
Eudaimonic love focuses on shared values and meaningful goals, not just happiness.
Even with sadness or depression, a relationship can still be eudaimonic if it supports meaningful projects.
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The book is divided into two parts. The first part recounts Frankl's harrowing experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps, including Auschwitz, between 1942 and 1945. He describes the inhumane conditions and the psychological and emotional struggles of the prisoners. The second part introduces Frankl's theory of logotherapy, which posits that the primary human drive is the search for meaning, rather than pleasure. Frankl argues that meaning can be found through three main avenues: work (doing something significant), love (caring for another), and suffering (finding meaning in one's own suffering). The book emphasizes the importance of finding purpose and meaning in life, even in the most adverse conditions, as a key factor in survival and personal growth.
Nicomachean Ethics
Aristotle
The Nicomachean Ethics is Aristotle's most renowned work on ethics, focusing on the science of the good for human life. The text is divided into ten books and discusses the concept of eudaimonia, often translated as 'happiness' or 'flourishing,' which is achieved through living a virtuous life. Aristotle argues that eudaimonia is an activity of the soul in accordance with virtue, emphasizing the importance of reason, moral virtues, and the pursuit of excellence. The work also explores the division of the soul, the role of rationality in human life, and the ultimate goal of human activity, which is to achieve happiness through virtuous actions and a complete life[1][2][4].
Sad Love
Carrie Jenkins
In 'Sad Love: Romance and the Search for Meaning', Carrie Jenkins challenges traditional romantic ideals by proposing a new philosophy of love. This philosophy, which she terms 'sad love', acknowledges the pain and suffering inherent in love as a natural part of its value. Jenkins argues that by embracing these complexities, we can develop a more meaningful understanding of love beyond the conventional 'happy ever after' narratives.
Sean Illing talks with Carrie Jenkins about her new book Sad Love, and her call to rethink the shape and boundaries of romantic love. In this far-ranging discussion about the meaning of romantic love, Sean and Carrie discuss the connection between love and happiness, what we should expect (and not expect) from our romantic partners, and whether or not loving a person must entail that we love only that person.
This was originally released as an episode of Vox Conversations in September 2022.
Host: Sean Illing (@seanilling), host, The Gray Area
The Gray Area with Sean Illing 
