The Vitalist Love by Design: The Hidden Architecture of Relationships with Melissa Nanavati
What if everything you’ve been taught about love is wrong?
In this conversation, Melissa Nanavati dismantles the myth that love is chemistry or luck and reveals how it’s actually a skill you can train, and improve the quality of your relationship. From the neuroscience of attraction to the unspoken fears that sabotage intimacy, Melissa opens up about her own anxious attachment, vulnerable moments with her husband Akshay, and the radical frameworks they’ve created to repair and thrive. This episode will make you question what you believe about your relationships and inspire you to re-imagine what love could look like when you bring science, structure, and raw courage into it.
HIGHLIGHTS:
Love isn’t luck, it’s a skill. Melissa’s “four muscles of relational courage.” (1:07)
Her personal confession of a decade of anxiety, people-pleasing, and believing her needs weren’t valid. (2:03)
The fear behind not asking for what you need. (4:45)
The chemistry of relationships requires dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin and why the honeymoon phase doesn’t have to end. (5:14)
The paradox of structure allows scheduling to bring back spontaneity and desire. (7:12)
A nightly ritual that may save your marriage. (8:32)
The BRAVE framework for hard conversations. (10:34)
One shocking stat: Couples who end tough talks with physical touch are 80% less likely to repeat the same fight. (16:27)
She shares the toughest conversation when her husband asked to return to Antarctica just two days after nearly losing his life there. (19:47)
Her true fear beyond abandonment; it was more about the future they planned together. (24:34)
The mantra that healed her anxious attachment and patterns of abandonment (23:58)
How she forgave every single person from her past in five days with neurofeedback at 40 Years of Zen. (25:27)
Why triggers and discomfort point us to our deepest work. (27:45)
When one partner isn’t growing like the other, be the example and watch your relationship transform. (35:20)
When is it time to end a relationship? (37:10)
Re-igniting intimacy after decades together with novelty. (38:43)
The four core virtues of Peak Performance Love: curiosity, courage, play, and presence. (40:35)
Her definition of love: “Love is accepting someone fully, exactly as they are… and realizing love is a choice.” (41:33)
RESOURCES:
Connect with Melissa here.
Follow @melissananavati
Watch Melissa on Youtube
Connect on LinkedIn
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