The only relationship you need in order to find recovery is with God. In this episode, Jason jumps to the other side of the mic with Steve to talk to Troy about his journey through his addiction and subsequent divorce.
Growing up Troy held on to two beliefs. The first, that he could never tell anyone about his addiction and second, that he would never be worthy. He grew up feeling that he was his father’s least favorite son and translated some of that belief to his perception of how God saw him; feeling that he always had to prove he was worth something. After serving a mission Troy quickly got married and he describes those early years of marriage as being very miserable because he felt unsafe to let his wife see any of his weaknesses. Troy checked out of his marriage and fell hard back into his struggle with addiction which soon escalated. He felt caught in the exhausting circle of trying to hide his addictive actions and still continue to seek addiction.
Even with a second chance in his marriage, when he witnessed amazing changes in his wife, he struggled to overcome the shame of his previous actions and thought he didn’t deserve to be happy. Troy shares how wonderful and supportive his wife was through his struggle. He admits he was white knuckling and while being stationed overseas he soon dove back into his addiction. His wife’s discovery brought an end to their marriage.
Troy tenderly shares the pain of his shame, and how encompassing it became. His divorce brought on depression and suicidal thoughts. Hope wasn’t immediate, but a sliver of hope came from hearing Chris and Autumn's story. Troy learned that God speaks to him through stories and he shares some of those stories with Steve and Jason.
Through enduring the loss of his marriage he realized he needed to fight for his needs and for his relationship with his kids. Troy found that in letting go of his need to validate his worthiness from others, his relationship with God deepened. He now knows that God sees him as beloved, is crazy about him and about each one of us.
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