126: The "Advanced" Secrets of Effective Communication

Learning to use the Five Secrets skillfully requires strong motivation and lots of practice, but the benefits can be tremendous. The Five Secrets have transformed my clinical work as well as my personal and professional relationships. And they’ve also had a huge impact on my teaching.

But there are even more communication techniques that can be immensely helpful. In this podcast, we discuss three advanced techniques:

1. Changing the Focus. This technique can be tremendously helpful when there’s an “elephant” in the room.
2. Multiple Choice Empathy. This technique can be transformative when you’re trying to connect with a teenager, friend or loved one who refuses to talk to you.
3. Positive Reframing. This technique can be invaluable when you’re fighting with a colleague, patient, friend or family member, and you’re both feeling frustrated, angry, and upset.

David emphasizes that these techniques may look easy, but they are actually difficult to learn and require lots of practice as well as the mindset of humility, as well as a strong desire to develop a more loving relationships with the person you’re not getting along with.

People who are serious about learning can read Feeling Good Together and do the written exercises while you read!