It’s About You

by Autumn Dickson

I have found an interesting parenting dilemma lately. And though this is a personal situation, I believe it teaches an important principle that we find in the scriptures for this week.

Evelyn and Warner (my two oldest children) could not be more different. Evelyn has literally described herself as an “inside girl” on more than one occasion, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t see Warner all summer as he lived outside. Evelyn will read and draw and organize her room for fun. It has taken all the patience I currently possess to teach Warner how to keep his room in working order. Evelyn is intense and detail-oriented. Warner goes with the flow, and I’m not sure he knows what a detail is.

It comes as no surprise that they play differently. Evelyn wants to draw and color with her friends. Even when she plays pretend, she creates labels and tapes them to my walls so that everyone knows what each location is for. Warner just wants to wrestle and fight bad guys.

Now when Warner is with his little buddy who lives a couple houses down, he will “pick a fight” and they’ll roll all over the ground, and that’s their definition of fun. When Warner’s little buddy is not available to play, Warner will often try to play with Evelyn. You can imagine the consequences when Warner tries to pick a fight with Evelyn. It doesn’t often result in rolling around on the ground; it usually just results in screaming.

It’s hard to know how to balance this sometimes because I know that Warner needs to learn to read a room and not push boundaries, but I also know that he’s little and he’s not trying to hurt anyone. He’s trying to play. I don’t want him to think he’s bad or that he needs to change what he likes to do. So I talk to Warner about how things are only playing if everyone is having fun and how he needs to stop when someone is unhappy. I think that’s an important lesson for him to learn so that he can be a functional, well-adjusted adult.

But I also usually talk to Evelyn too even though she’s not “in trouble” for not wanting to play a certain way. I try to take the opportunity to teach her how to be happy.

Namely, I try to teach her how to judge the situation for what it truly is and how to make a wise decision that can make her happy despite what’s occurring around her. I explain to her that she doesn’t have to participate in that kind of play if she doesn’t want to, but I also explain to her that Warner isn’t trying to bug her. He is simply trying to have fun, and that’s how he does it with his friends.

She hates it when I talk to her after they fight in these particular situations. She feels like she’s being punished when Warner is the antagonist. She wants me to come in and fix everything and then leave her be. Logically, this makes sense at first glance. She wasn’t going after Warner or breaking his carefully crafted pillow forts; Warner was the one causing the “problem.” I definitely don’t want her to feel like she’s in trouble.

But I do want her to be as happy as humanly possible. Which means I’m going to give her the opportunity to rise above a “Law of Moses” attitude. It may take years to grasp this because she’s so young, but we’re going to start teaching it now anyway.

Now let’s look at the Saints this week before bringing it back.

Disappointment and heartache of the Saints

The Saints ran into a difficult situation this week. Leman Copely was a convert to the church. He had a huge farm and offered to allow other Saints to move onto his land as they left New York to move to Ohio. These Saints made a HUGE sacrifice in leaving their prosperous farms to follow the prophet to Ohio. When they arrive, Leman Copely changes his mind and kicks them all out.

When Joseph inquires of the Lord about the situation, he receives this counsel.

Doctrine and Covenants 54:8 And thus you shall take your journey into the regions westward, unto the land of Missouri, unto the borders of the Lamanites.

So the Saints travelled over 250 miles to get to Ohio only to find out there wasn’t anything there for them. They were then asked to travel an additional 800 miles to get to Missouri. I don’t know the exact mileage for either relocation because I looked up the driving miles on Google maps, but you get the basic idea.

There are a lot of lessons that can be pulled from this story. The Saints could have easily wondered whether Joseph was truly a prophet for an all-knowing God and why he couldn’t have seen this coming. Why weren’t they counseled to move to Missouri in the first place? If this is really what the Lord wanted them to do, why wasn’t He facilitating it? Had the Lord been wrong? Was Joseph mistaken? Was Joseph actually a prophet?

There are a lot of good answers for that question, and I could spend an entire post just on the answer to those questions. However, I actually want to take this in a different direction. We are going to operate off the assumption that the Lord knew what He was doing, and that He had been guiding Joseph and His Saints all along despite the hiccups and reroutes.

So why? What gives? Why would the Lord choose this path over circumventing the entire issue and sending them to Missouri in the first place?

I’m sure there are a lot of reasons. Perhaps Ohio was easier to swallow than Missouri, and it got some of His reluctant children out the door to head west. Perhaps the Lord needed to give Leman a chance to choose for himself; you can’t truly choose when you were never really given an option.

But one of His reasons, and arguably one of the most important reasons, was because the Lord loved His Saints. Let’s talk about His decision to deal with the Saints after this manner is PROOF of His love, rather than a disregard for their well-being or a penchant for unfairness.

The trial of betrayal

We could talk about this from the perspective of trials in general, but I want to talk about it specifically within the context of being betrayed and then still “getting the short end of the stick.”

Leman betrayed the Saints, but the Lord still loves Leman. The Lord worked with (and is likely still working with) Leman to push him the direction where he is going to be happiest.

And though it doesn’t necessarily look like it, I believe the Lord is doing the same with His Saints. He is pushing them in the direction that provides ample opportunity for them to learn to be as joyful as possible.

It would be easy for the Saints to ask, “Why Lord? We didn’t do anything wrong. Why do we have to move? Leman is the one who should get punished.” And honestly, maybe they’re not totally wrong. But this isn’t about Leman. The Lord is looking at them completely separately from Leman and asking Himself, “What is going to be best for them?”

Can I just pull out the poignant detail that the Lord asked His Saints to move to Zion? Very shortly after this verse, we read about how the Lord revealed the location of Zion to be in Missouri.

What is Zion? It’s a place of unity, love, and good will towards each other. It’s a place where everyone takes care of each other and all things are common. I picture the Lord saying, “I need you to rise above this situation and find love and forgiveness and good will. I need you to learn from this situation about how it feels to have someone turn their back on you when you’re in need.”

What’s more? The Lord wasn’t asking them to find forgiveness and good will for Leman’s sake. I said it once, and I’ll say it again. This isn’t about Leman. This is about the Saints. Finding forgiveness and good will and compassion and love are all things that are going to contribute to the happiness of the Saints.

And even more than finding joy and peace in the midst of what had occurred, it’s also going to prepare them for their futures living with (and like) their Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father gets betrayed millions of times every day; you don’t see it ruining His eternity. If we want to live like Him and enjoy what He enjoys, we have to be like Him. We have to be prepared to act like Him until we become like Him. Part of the process includes being filled with so much love and compassion that having someone turn their back on you doesn’t affect you the same way. You’re so focused on others and what they need, the betrayals don’t land the same way. That’s not to say it doesn’t hurt. I believe that the Lord does hurt when we betray Him, but more importantly, He just chooses to live His life on a whole other level.

And He gives us opportunities to choose to do the same.

When the Lord asks you to forgive someone who has betrayed you, it has nothing to do with the betrayer and everything to do with His love for you. When He asks you to “go to Zion” and find that love and compassion and forgiveness, it’s because He wants more for you than you can currently imagine. He wants you to live as He does because He knows how great it is to live life in that manner.

Let’s bring it back to Evelyn for just a moment. Warner is the antagonist in this example, and I will handle Warner with love and I will handle Warner in the way that he needs. I will also choose to try and get Evelyn to rise above, be compassionate, and free herself from that kind of disappointment and pain. I don’t do it so that Warner can get a free pass. I do it because I love Evelyn.

So yes, the Lord could have prevented the whole problem with Leman, but He would have robbed His Saints of the opportunity to be happier. Isn’t that ironic and beautiful? Opposition truly is necessary to joy.

I testify of a Lord who is going to make His decisions completely based on the individual He is working with. Every decision He makes that affects your life is FOR you, not in spite of you. Even when the Lord chooses to bring trials or even just allows trials, He doesn’t necessarily see punishment. It is completely derived from His desire to give you an opportunity to rise above and find deeper joy.

 

 

Autumn Dickson was born and raised in a small town in Texas. She served a mission in the Indianapolis Indiana mission. She studied elementary education but has found a particular passion in teaching the gospel. Her desire for her content is to inspire people to feel confident, peaceful, and joyful about their relationship with Jesus Christ and to allow that relationship to touch every aspect of their lives. Autumn was the recipient of FAIR’s 2024 John Taylor Defender of the Faith Award.

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