Building True Intimacy (with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith)
Mar 10, 2025
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Matthew Raabsmith, a clinician and author, and Joanna Raabsmith, a licensed marriage and family therapist, share their journey of healing and rebuilding intimacy after facing sexual betrayal in their own marriage. They introduce the 'Intimacy Pyramid,' outlining the essential components for trust and connection. Listeners learn about the 'Honest Connection' tool, which facilitates deeper communication. Emphasizing self-awareness and safety, they offer invaluable insights on how couples can overcome betrayal and foster lasting love.
Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith emphasize that honesty is foundational for establishing trust and safety, crucial for healing after betrayal.
The Intimacy Pyramid framework illustrates that developing skills like awareness and assertiveness enhances communication, fostering healthier relationships.
Deep dives
The Journey of Redemption
The episode shares the story of Matthew and Joanna Rapsmith, who overcame the challenges of Matthew's struggle with pornography and its impact on their marriage. They candidly discuss the pain of betrayal, the trauma it caused, and their dedication to rebuilding a stronger relationship. Through their experiences, they aim to provide hope and practical tools for other couples facing similar issues, emphasizing that healing is indeed possible. Their journey illustrates the critical shift from despair to a renewed sense of purpose in their marriage.
Introducing the Intimacy Pyramid
Matthew and Joanna present the Intimacy Pyramid, a framework designed to facilitate healing for couples, especially in the aftermath of betrayal. The foundation of this pyramid is honesty, which they argue is essential for rebuilding trust and safety in a relationship. They explain that a full therapeutic disclosure allows couples to confront hidden truths and sets the stage for a healthier future together. This structural approach emphasizes that relationship building is not just for those recovering from betrayal but is beneficial for all couples.
The Importance of Safety and Trust
Rebuilding safety and trust in a relationship requires ongoing effort and cannot be achieved through honesty alone. The episode highlights that while honesty is crucial, it does not automatically create safety if destructive behaviors persist. Safety is defined by the consistency of actions and the commitment to integrity, which helps couples begin collaborating and re-establishing their partnership. The discussion conveys that trust evolves over time and the importance of letting go of the desire for perfect trust as part of the healing process.
Skills for Healthy Relationships
The Rapsmiths emphasize the significance of developing various skills to foster honesty and assertiveness in relationships. They outline that awareness, authenticity, and assertiveness are critical components that contribute to healthy communication between partners. This includes the idea that assertive communication should be mindful and caring rather than aggressive or avoidant. Their insights suggest that creating a safe space for individuals to express their needs can significantly enhance the overall health of the relationship.
What are the building blocks of a healthy relationship? In this episode, Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith reveal the "Intimacy Pyramid" of what is required for trust and intimacy—especially for couples healing from sexual betrayal. Get wisdom from two people who rebuilt their marriage after porn almost destroyed it.
Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith are clinicians, speakers, and authors of the book Building True Intimacy: Creating a Connection that Stands the Test of Time (paid link). They have over 20 years of combined experience in counseling, coaching, and guiding couples toward healing and transformation. Their mission is to help couples navigate the complexities of relational challenges, particularly in the aftermath of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, fostering deep restoration and growth.
Matthew is a Professional Certified Coach (ICF) with a background in pastoral leadership, while Joanna is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, EMDR practitioner, and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist through APSATS. Both hold Master of Divinity degrees and have served together on multiple church leadership teams. Currently, they co-lead their private practice, The Raabsmith Team, where they specialize in helping couples rebuild connection, trust, and intimacy.