TPP 396: Robyn Gobbel on Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors

If you’ve ever used the word “baffling” when describing your child’s behavior, this episode is for you. My guest is Robyn Gobbel, an expert in relational neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology, the author of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work and the host of the podcast The Baffling Behavior Show.

As a psychologist, Robyn has always been passionate about working with those kids who have more tricky or extreme behaviors, and she does that by harnessing the power of neuroscience. Through her work with families, she decodes the latest brain science into easy-to-understand principles and metaphors to help parents become an expert in their child's behavior.

During this episode, Robyn and I explore the core issues underlying nearly all struggles in children — dysregulation, disconnection, or feeling unsafe — and how understanding the brain's operation in either connection mode or protection mode can transform our approach to parenting. We also touched upon Robyn’s metaphors for the three brain states: the owl (calm), the watchdog (vigilant), and the possum (withdrawn), which can help us better understand and respond to our children's needs.

I have a hunch many of you will resonate with Robyn’s experience of feeling like she wasn’t doing enough for the kids she was working with, or that it was her fault they continued to struggle. I know I did. And I also find the reminder that it takes time to figure out how to best support our kids, and ourselves, empowering and optimistic. I hope you feel the same after listening to this episode!

About Robyn Gobbel

Robyn Gobbel, MSW, loves coffee, P!NK, and everything about the brain. Once (recently!) her teenager went ballistic on her for getting ANOTHER (glitter!) coffee mug in the mail.Robyn loves cultivating deep, resonant connections with anyone who is up for it, and is especially fond of all the grown-ups in the world who love and care for kids impacted by trauma- helpers, healers, educators, and parents.

Her favorite thing ever (besides glittery coffee mugs) is teaching anyone who will listen to harness the power of neuroscience.What would change in the world if we could all do that? To see, be with, feel, and deeply know each other…and ourselves. Robyn thinks everything could change. You can get your hands on all sorts of free resources at her website, including her podcast, The Baffling Behavior Show. Robyn is the author of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work.

Things you'll learn

• What relational neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology is
• Why maladaptive behaviors are in fact adaptive responses to specific environments or experiences
• What underlies nearly all struggles in children — dysregulation, disconnection, or feeling unsafe
• How the brain operates in either connection mode or protection mode
• Why Robyn created the metaphors for the 3 brain states: owl (calm), watchdog (vigilant), and possum (withdrawn)
• How and why caring for our own regulated state helps us better support others

Resources mentioned

• Free resources on Robyn Gobbel’s website
• Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies That Really Work by Robyn Gobbel
• The Baffling Behavior Show (Robyn’s podcast)
• Being With (Robyn’s training program for professionals who work with parents
• The Club (Robyn’s online community for parents)
• Interpersonal Neurobiology, explained by Dr. Dan Siegel
• Bonnie Badenoch
• Dr. Dan Siegel
• Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
• Dr. Allan Schore
• One Child: The True Story of a Tormented Six-Year-Old and the Brilliant Teacher Who Reached Out by Torey Hayden
• Dr. Stephen Porges
• Dr. Bruce Perry
• Dr. Mona Delahooke

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