Calm You vs. Anxious You. Who's Telling The Truth? EP 128

In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down a question so many people quietly struggle with—especially this time of year:

Why do I feel calm and trusting with my partner sometimes… and anxious, suspicious, or insecure with them at other times—when nothing has actually changed?

As the holidays approach and routines shift, old patterns can resurface. Shanenn explains why these emotional swings don’t mean you’re inconsistent, broken, or ignoring red flags. Instead, they’re signals from your nervous system responding to changing conditions—not changing relationship facts.

This episode offers a powerful reframe that removes shame, self-blame, and overthinking—and replaces them with clarity, self-trust, and nervous-system awareness so you can stop turning emotions into verdicts about your relationship.

Key Moments:

• 1:45 – Why the holidays can make anxiety spike even in “good” relationships
• 3:50 – The core truth: calm and anxiety come from your nervous system, not your partner
• 6:40 – Why feeling calm doesn’t mean you’re “healed” or fixed
• 9:00 – What’s really happening when you start scanning, spiraling, or overthinking
• 11:30 – Why emotions are signals of state—not proof of truth
• 13:45 – The shift that helps anxiety soften without controlling your environment

Golden Episode Nuggets:

💎 Calm and anxiety can exist in the same relationship without either one being “the truth”

💎 You didn’t lose trust—you lost nervous system capacity

💎 Emotional states are signals, not verdicts about your relationship

💎 Feeling anxious doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your partner

💎 Regulation comes from working with your nervous system, not fighting it

Quote of the Episode:

“Your ability to feel calm, trusting, and connected isn’t created by the person in front of you. It’s created by the state your nervous system is in.”

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