Violet Lange, an expert in feminine energy and sexuality, offers enlightening insights into the deeper desires behind intimacy in relationships. She discusses how many men feel disconnected and wish for more sexual connection, not just physical intimacy but a sense of their partner’s feminine essence. Lange emphasizes the importance of emotional transparency and playful exploration in rekindling desire. She also highlights societal challenges women face in embracing their desires and the transformative power of community and self-expression.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Somatic Approach Success
A man used a somatic approach when his partner felt triggered.
Asking her to describe the feeling, she broke down, hugged him, and the feeling vanished.
insights INSIGHT
Men's Deeper Yearning
Men often desire more than just sex from their partners.
They yearn for their partner's enthusiastic participation and feminine essence.
insights INSIGHT
Mistranslation of Desire
Men often express their desire for connection through complaints about their partner's busyness or lack of flirtation.
Women may misinterpret these complaints, leading to conflict.
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Published in 1973, 'My Secret Garden' is a pioneering book that compiles frank admissions from women about their intimate sexual fantasies. The book challenges traditional beliefs about women's sexuality and aims to reassure women that having sexual fantasies is normal and a healthy part of any sexual relationship. It explores various themes in women's fantasies, including anonymity, exhibitionism, and scenarios that might be considered taboo or socially unacceptable. The book was highly controversial upon its release but has since become a classic of feminist literature, helping many women feel less ashamed of their own sexual thoughts and fantasies[2][4][5].
A common pattern in a lot of love relationships sounds like one partner (often a man, in a man/woman dynamic) saying things like:
"I wish you weren’t so busy with the kids."
"You never dress up for me anymore."
"I wish you'd flirt with me more."
"You hide yourself from me; I never really see your body anymore."
"I wish we had more sex."
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What's driving this, and how does a couple navigate it skillfully? A lot of men yearn for more sexual connection with their partner -- but it's not just about the sex. And the way a lot of men go about talking about this with their woman partner ends up being triggering for the woman.
Here we discuss what we've witnessed in terms of men's deep desire for not just sex, but their partner's enthusiastic participation. And we dive right into what's even underneath that: The ache to feel her feminine essence.
This is about more than just incorporating sex toys or trying out a new position. This is about the depth and power and range of the open feminine. Get ready for a hell of a ride!
Memorable quotes from this episode
“I wasn’t open and didn’t know how to open.”
“To the men, it’s like a vitamin.”
“It’s the sense of aliveness as it changes moment to moment.”
“A lot of times what women are hearing is, ‘I’m not enough.’”
“I want to feel lust for life! I want to feel playful and lighthearted and irreverent.”
“The essence of the feminine is desire and emotion.”
“When women are in their full range, the relationship accelerates.”
“I want you to enjoy it; I want you feel your pleasure and your desire, and I know that’s in you.”
Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women 