The Libido Fairy Podcast #115: How To Deal With Mismatched Libidos In Relationship
Nov 25, 2025
Hannah explores the challenges of mismatched libidos in relationships, highlighting desire as a reward rather than a survival instinct. She discusses the emotional impact of rejection cycles and the importance of understanding different turn-on types. The conversation encourages couples to redefine intimacy by scheduling dates focused on connection, not just sex. Listeners are urged to create an intimacy menu and prioritize the relationship's needs, seeing mismatched libido as a growth opportunity rather than a problem.
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Mismatched Desire Is Extremely Common
- Mismatched sexual desire affects about 80% of couples at some point and contributes to relationship strain.
- Despite its commonness, most couples aren't taught how to navigate it and many marriages end because of it.
Desire Is A Reward, Not A Drive
- Desire is driven by a reward system, not a life-preserving drive like hunger or sleep.
- If sex consistently yields low reward or negative emotions, desire will decline rather than persist.
Intercourse Alone Often Undermines Pleasure
- Prioritizing penis–vagina intercourse often creates a pleasure mismatch, especially for many women.
- Lack of clitoral stimulation and rushed penetration reduces reward and lowers female desire.