The podcast discusses the misconception that money is the solution to all parenting problems, emphasizing the importance of spending time with children and being a positive role model.
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Quick takeaways
Spending quality time with your children is more important than providing financial resources.
Money is not a high priority on children's needs list; what they truly need is the presence and involvement of their father.
Deep dives
Quality time is more important than money
It's easy to think that money is the solution to most of the problems of parenting, but it's a mistake to believe that money will guarantee a magical childhood for your kids. The truth is, what kids actually want and need is you, their dad. Spending quality time with them is far more valuable than just providing financial resources. As a famous quote from the 1950s suggests, if you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money. Money can make things easier, but it's no substitute for the meaningful connection and love that you can provide as a hands-on dad.
Money is a preferred indifferent, not a necessity
While money can improve certain aspects of life, it is not a high priority on the list of children's needs. Wealth is considered a preferred indifferent - not inherently good or bad, but nice to have. Kids may desire material things, but ultimately, what they truly need is the presence and involvement of their father. Money cannot replace the value of being a good example, showing care, and spending quality time with them. Many people, including yourself in your own childhood, have turned out well without a lot of money. So, instead of relying solely on financial resources, prioritize being there for your children and nurturing their emotional well-being.
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The Importance of Being Present and Engaged with Your Children
It’s easy to think that money is the solution to most of the problems of parenting. After all, we remember our own childhood and the things that money could have provided us. If only we could have had Invisalign instead of those awkward braces...If only we could have lived in a better neighborhood...If only Mom and Dad didn’t have to be so stressed...If only we could have afforded coaches or tutors, we could have gone pro or gotten into Harvard.
It’s true, money does make some things better. It’s certainly better to have it than not have it (Seneca was right when he called wealth a “preferred indifferent,” not good or bad, but nice to have). But it’s a mistake to think that money will magically create a magical childhood for your kids. It’s not true that money will guarantee them a good life or prevent them from feeling pain or loss. It’s not true, as we have written, that money is even high on their list of needs.
What kids actually want is you. What kids actually need is Dad. As Dear Abby quite brilliantly put it in a column back in the 1950s, “If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money.” You can’t pay someone to be there for your kids. You can’t pay someone to do the job only you can do. Sure, money can make things easier, but it is no substitute for quality time (or garbage time). It will never be as important as what you can provide by being hands on, by being a good example, by showing them you care for them and value them.
And the proof of this is how many people—including you and your own childhood—were able to turn out just fine without much money.