Ep 242: Befriending Yourself – Growing self-respect
Jan 30, 2025
Feeling disconnected from yourself? Discover how self-respect is key to liking who you are. Learn to embrace your 'wise second self' and combat negative thoughts with compassion. Explore the impact of your inner narrative and how it shapes self-perception. Hear personal anecdotes about overcoming blind spots in behavior change. This journey of nurturing self-compassion not only transforms you but also influences those around you, especially your children. Start the commitment to become your own best friend today!
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Befriending Yourself
If you dislike yourself, cultivate self-respect by developing a "wise second self."
This inner voice offers consistent kindness and grounds you during negative self-talk.
insights INSIGHT
Trusting Your Body
Separate your "wise second self" from negative thoughts.
Trust your body's wisdom, even when your mind is chaotic.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Internal Friendship
Shift your focus from external validation to internal friendship.
Cultivate a strong internal friendship for lasting happiness.
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The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It
Ethan Kross
In *Chatter*, Ethan Kross delves into the silent conversations we have with ourselves, examining how these internal dialogues shape our lives, work, and relationships. Kross, drawing from his own lab research and real-world case studies, explains how negative self-talk (referred to as 'chatter') can have detrimental effects on our health, mood, and social connections. However, he also provides tools and strategies to manage and harness this inner voice positively. These tools include techniques such as zooming out to gain perspective, using the second person to increase psychological distance, and leveraging the power of nature and placebos. The book is a comprehensive guide on how to transform negative self-talk into a constructive and supportive inner voice.
If you woke up one day and feel like “I don’t really like myself,” this is for you. Self-respect is not just about having an air of confidence as you interact with others, it’s also being respectful to yourself, internally. As a means to get to this place, I wanted to offer you a simple prescription: think of your body and what I’ll call your dominant thought narrative as being a wise, second self. A friendly and compassionate voice. This second self can aid you and ground you as you move through the chatter that is your anxiety or perhaps at times negative chatter and self-analysis. We have to learn how to become a consistent friend to ourselves and that is how we start to really like who we are, regardless of the external. Like meeting a new friend, this can start at any time in your life – it just requires a commitment.
This episode is also about when we cannot get to a particular behavior change – seeing that there is a block behind that: a blindness to a lie we are believing. These “feelings stones” create misalignments and block us from actualizing change because we can’t see where we are unable to accept something as true. I have an example from my own life to explain this better – for me that misalignment is blowing up at my kids/how i feel about that and why I have been unable to stop.
This is the book Chatter that I mentioned: https://amzn.to/4gj4Tyf
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