"Polycurious" podcast Ep 298 features Fernanda, a relationship coach in non-monogamy. She discusses the evolution of her non-monogamous partnership, including navigating a Don't Ask, Don't Tell dynamic and co-creating rules and boundaries. Fernanda also shares her experiences in the non-monogamous community and her journey into exploring alternative relationship styles.
Fernanda and her partner prioritize collaborative conversations to negotiate the boundaries and agreements of their open relationship.
In their relationship, Fernanda and her partner now approach their dynamic with more flexibility and adaptability, addressing concerns or preferences as they arise.
Fernanda values and appreciates her partner's effort in supporting her non-monogamy, prioritizing meeting each other's needs through open communication and understanding.
Deep dives
Open Relationship Negotiations
In negotiating the boundaries and agreements of their open relationship, Fernanda and her partner prioritize collaborative conversations. They openly discuss their needs and desires, finding a balance that works for both of them. While there have been rules in the past, such as limits on the frequency of dates, they now approach their relationship with more flexibility and adaptability. They address concerns or preferences as they arise, respecting each other's boundaries. It has been a collaborative process with minimal conflict or disagreements.
Navigating Relationship Rules
Fernanda acknowledges that while her partner may express preferences or limitations, she respects his wishes. Even if she may have wanted to push back on occasion, she values and appreciates the effort he has put into supporting her non-monogamy. They rarely have strict rules now and approach their relationship dynamics with open communication and consideration. They both prioritize meeting each other's needs, and when disagreements occur, they find resolution through understanding and compromise.
Privacy and Sharing
Fernanda has been fortunate not to face judgment from her social circle, as she is surrounded by open-minded and accepting individuals. However, her family members who are less familiar with non-monogamy sometimes struggle to grasp the concept fully. Privacy is important to Fernanda, and she chooses to share certain details of her relationships with her partner, such as who she is going out with, while keeping other aspects more private. Open communication and transparency in discussing boundaries and expectations have helped navigate any potential difficulties or misunderstandings.
Navigating Open Relationships and Communication
In this podcast episode, the host discusses the challenges of open relationships and the importance of communication. The host emphasizes that better communication can lead to better relationships and highlights that women are often socialized to be better communicators than men. The speaker also shares personal experiences of navigating open relationships, including the importance of prioritizing partners who already have experience with open relationships and possess strong communication skills.
Decoupling Romance, Sex, and Friendships in Non-Monogamy
In this podcast episode, the guest discusses the decoupling of romance, sex, and friendships in non-monogamous relationships. They explain that while sex can be pleasurable and exciting, it is essential to consider long-term emotional well-being when engaging in non-monogamy. The guest also highlights the importance of open and honest communication in setting boundaries and expectations within relationships, even if those boundaries may evolve over time. They stress the significance of checking in with partners to ensure everyone is on the same page and working towards mutual understanding and satisfaction.
Fernanda grew up in Mexico and moved to the US in 2016. She knew about the concept of non-monogamy before that, but her first real-life exposure came when she met someone at the airport when she landed in New York City and lost her wallet. They became friends and he introduced her to his Burning Man community, many of whom are non-monogamous. She spent a few years exploring variations of non-monogamy on her own before she met her current partner about five years ago. He was, and still is, monogamous. She is not.
We have a wonderful conversation with her about how they slowly opened their partnership and how it has evolved over the last few years. We are so grateful for Fernanda's transparency and willingness to share how they navigate their version of a Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) partnership and how they have co-created the rules and boundaries, even when it didn't always feel great to one or both of them.
Fernanda is also the host of the Polycurious podcast and a relationship coach who primarily works with people who are also exploring non-monogamy. The best place to find her work is on her Instagram page. Check it out!
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