The Courageous Life Practicing Courage #33: The self-compassion practice no one is talking about
Why can it be so difficult to receive?
Whether it’s something small like a compliment,
Or something bigger, like receiving help when we are in some form of pain or distress.
While the response can vary of course,
For many of us the instinct can often be:
- To brush off the compliment
- To minimize the recognition
- To turn down the help
Essentially to close off in one form or another.
And there are a whole host of reasons why this might happen.
From the way we’re raised,
To:
- Expectations or cultural norms that have to do with identity, the workplace, etc
- Fears of being perceived as weak, of not being liked, or not fitting in.
The list goes on.
This past week as I was engaged in a discussion around receiving (and the difficulty with it) with my long time collaborator Matt Donner.
And in the process was reminded of a past Courageous Life conversation with Dr. Kelly McGonigal where we explored self-compassion.
In particular, challenging the popular forms of self-compassion practice that so often focus on
Going off by yourself and doing your self compassion practice,
Alone.
Don't get me wrong, individual practices like self-compassion meditation or journaling can certainly be helpful, but they are also somewhat limiting and incomplete.
The limits of these practices can be seen when we start to consider important practice questions like:
What about self-compassion that looks like opening to and receiving help when you’re in pain?
What about allowing others to carry some of the weight that you’ve been shouldering on your own?
What about self-compassion that is found in relationship and community?
And that involves taking the risk to be vulnerable,
And to receive?
Becoming a better friend to ourselves isn't always done in isolation.
It can include engaging in the powerful practice of opening to
And receiving help,
Rather than closing off to it.
So today this is what we will explore and you will have the opportunity to hear directly from Kelly McGonigal in a moving clip from our conversation, about how this not only benefits us, but how it can be a gift to those offering their help.
Curious to explore this topic further? Here are some conversations on the podcast we think you'll love:
Thank you for your practice today.
I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!
-Joshua
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