Episode 439: Fantasy Confessions – Why Even Happy Couples Keep Secrets

Even in the happiest relationships, people don’t always share their fantasies and desires. And sometimes that’s because people are worried about rocking the boat. For example, what if you share a fantasy your partner isn’t into and it reveals an incompatibility? In this episode, we’re going to explore the factors that predict people’s willingness to open up about their fantasies, and why we sometimes decide to keep them to ourselves.

I am joined once again by Matthew Kimberley, a lecturer in Psychology at Birmingham City University. He researches sexual fantasies and also leads the Gender, Sexuality and Intimate Relationships Research Lab.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What are the most common sexual fantasies people have?
• Which fantasies are people most likely to tell their partners about, and why?
• How is being in a relationship characterized by high levels of sexual novelty linked to sharing fantasies?
• How is the length of a relationship related to whether people share their fantasies?

You can check out the Gender, Sexuality and Intimate Relationships Research Lab’s website to learn more about Matthew’s work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

A bad mattress can ruin your intimate life. If you want to upgrade your sleep, check out Brooklyn Bedding, where you can try a 120-night comfort trial. Go to brooklynbedding.com and use my promo code JUSTIN at checkout to get 30% off sitewide. 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.