#838 - Dr Paul Eastwick - What Do People Really Want In A Partner?
Sep 14, 2024
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Dr. Paul Eastwick, a psychologist and expert on romantic relationships, delves into what people truly seek in a partner. He reveals the gap between stated desires and actual choices, emphasizing that traits like being a good lover weigh more in desirability than expected. The conversation explores gender differences in preferences, the impact of emotional qualities over physical attributes, and the evolving dynamics shaped by societal changes. Eastwick also discusses how big data can revolutionize dating app matching, enhancing our understanding of attraction.
Individuals often struggle to accurately identify personal partner preferences despite general agreement on desirable traits like attractiveness and honesty.
The gap between stated and revealed preferences highlights the importance of actual behaviors influencing romantic attraction rather than mere declarations of desire.
Gender differences in partner preferences reveal that, despite reported variances, men and women exhibit similar levels of attraction towards traits like attractiveness.
Deep dives
Understanding True Preferences in Partners
Many people possess a general understanding of desirable attributes in a romantic partner, agreeing that traits like attractiveness, intelligence, and honesty are essential. However, the challenge arises when individuals attempt to identify their unique preferences that differentiate them from others. Research indicates that while there is consensus on what is commonly wanted, self-knowledge about personal likes and dislikes can be inconsistent. Insight into what individuals value that is beyond the generalized traits proves to be a complex issue that requires deeper introspection.
Revealed vs. Stated Preferences
The distinction between stated preferences and revealed preferences is crucial in understanding romantic attraction. Stated preferences refer to what individuals claim to desire in a partner, while revealed preferences demonstrate what actually influences their attraction when evaluating potential partners. Interestingly, a large-scale study found that certain attributes like being a 'good lover' were rated relatively low in stated preferences but emerged as the strongest predictor of positive feelings towards a partner in revealed preferences. This discrepancy highlights the effectiveness of looking at actual behavior over mere declarations of what people believe they want.
The Complexity of Matching in Relationships
The concept of ideal partner preference matching involves analyzing how well an individual’s stated preferences align with the traits of their chosen partners. Although this idea has garnered attention, the findings indicate that matching preferences only account for a small percentage of relationship satisfaction. In a detailed study analyzing multiple attributes, it was shown that while matching can enhance desire for a partner, the overall impact remains modest. This suggests that emotional and personal compatibility may play a more significant role in successful relationships than initially realized.
Gender Differences in Preferences
Gender differences in partner preferences reveal fascinating trends in both stated and revealed preferences. Research demonstrates that while men and women report varying importance for traits like attractiveness and earning potential, their revealed preferences show surprisingly similar levels of attraction towards these attributes. Specifically, men tend to state they value attractiveness more than women do, yet both genders exhibit similar revealed preferences for it. This indicates that while societal norms may influence how preferences are expressed, the underlying attractions often converge.
The Influence of Self-Perception on Relationships
Self-perception and how individuals view their own traits significantly impacts their romantic relationships. The study collected insights on how attractive individuals perceive themselves in relation to their partners can alter overall relationship satisfaction. This interplay between self-image and partner evaluation suggests that people may often misjudge their own desirability, leading to discrepancies between their stated and revealed preferences. Such findings emphasize the need for individuals to cultivate a balanced self-image to navigate romantic relationships effectively.
Dr Paul Eastwick is a psychologist, professor, and a researcher.
What do people actually want in a partner compared to what they say they want? Paul is the lead author on largest study of its kind which was just released breaking down exactly this question.
Expect to learn the #1 trait people actually look for in a partner, how well people know what they want, what Ideal Partner Preference-Matching is, the biases that affect mate evaluation, the sex differences in stated vs. revealed preferences, whether big data could improve dating app matching and much more…
