The School of Greatness Heal First, Love Better: The Repair Framework That Changes Everything
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Oct 20, 2025 Baya Voce, a psychotherapist and couples researcher, shares insights on relationship repair and nervous system resilience. She reveals why avoiding friction can lead to bigger conflicts and emphasizes the importance of setting healthy boundaries. Baya discusses the critical difference between wanting change and accepting a partner as they are, along with tools for fostering genuine intimacy. With personal stories and research-backed frameworks, she transforms the way couples handle conflict into opportunities for connection and growth.
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Build Nervous System Resilience
- Our nervous systems need repeated small friction to build resilience, similar to cold exposure training.
- Avoiding tension makes later conflicts larger because capacity never develops.
Set Boundaries Without Threats
- Use boundaries to take care of yourself, not as threats to control others.
- Calmly step away and reconvene when both partners are regulated to continue the conversation.
Change Vs. Acceptance Dynamic
- Many couples polarize into a 'change' partner and an 'acceptance' partner, creating tension between growth and peace.
- Both partners should move toward each other to depolarize and meet needs across that spectrum.