EP 452: The Opportunity That Failed Relationships Provide Us With, with Samantha

In this episode, Christine speaks with Samantha, who is struggling with emotional attachments to two past romantic relationships she ended. Despite being the one to end both relationships, Samantha finds herself constantly thinking about her ex-partners, missing the companionship, and fantasizing about what could have been. Christine helps Samantha uncover the deeper emotional issues rooted in her childhood, specifically her relationship with her father, which have influenced her current difficulties in moving on from these relationships.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you ruminating or obsessing over past relationships?
• Do you have unresolved issues from childhood with your parents?
• Are you still hoping one of your parents will change and give you what you always wanted?

Guest Insights

• Samantha admits that she is attached to past relationships to avoid feeling the pain of their endings. She acknowledges that fantasizing about what could have been is a way to distract herself from the hurt.
• She identifies with a fearful, avoidant attachment style, which she believes is linked to her "father wound." Samantha describes her father as absent and inconsistent, leading to a deep-seated fear of being alone and unlovable.
• Christine helps Samantha realize that she has been projecting her unmet childhood needs onto her romantic relationships. Samantha's fear of being alone stems from childhood experiences and a longing for her father's approval and love.

A-Ha Moments:

• Christine emphasizes that feeling the pain and moving through it is necessary to avoid repeating the same mistakes in future relationships. By not fully processing the pain, Samantha has been unable to move on.
• The "Christ year" concept at age 33 is significant for personal awakening and transformation. Samantha, being 33, is at a pivotal point where she can either continue her old patterns or embrace deep healing and change.
• Christine advises Samantha to stop seeing her loneliness as a problem to fix and instead see it as a necessary phase to fully experience and understand. By doing this, Samantha can break the cycle of seeking relationships to fill the void left by her father.

How to Get Over It:

• Feel the Loneliness: Samantha is encouraged to fully feel her loneliness without trying to escape it through distractions or new relationships. This process will help her develop resilience and self-reliance.
• Inner Child Healing: Christine suggests that Samantha engage in inner child work to address the unresolved issues with her father. This can involve journaling, therapy, and self-reflection to give her inner child the love and validation she missed.
• Seek Professional Help: Working with a therapist, especially one trained in somatic therapy, can help Samantha stay connected to her body and healthily process her emotions.
• Practical Exercises: Samantha should write down the truth about her past relationships, focusing on what didn't work to ground herself in reality and avoid idealizing her ex-partners. Additionally, she should ask herself how her thoughts make her feel and if she likes feeling that way, then consciously choose thoughts that lead to feelings of peace and freedom.

Sponsor:

• Storyworth: Preserve precious memories and stories from your father or father figures for years to come. Save $10 on your first purchase when you visit storyworth.com/overit.
• Social Media Info:
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Join us next week for another insightful episode where we help you get over it and on with the life you love.