555: Shane Parrish - Raising Your Standards, The Difference Between Nice & Kind Feedback, The Inner vs. Outer Scoreboard, & Turning Ordinary Moments Into Extraordinary Results (Clear Thinking)

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Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com

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• The power of believing in someone. Mr. Duncan, Shane’s high school English teacher was the first person to tell him that he believed in him. He changed the trajectory of Shane’s life. We, as leaders, can do that for others. Let’s proactively look for opportunities to tell the people we’re leading that we believe in them.
• The difference between Nice and Kind feedback. Too often, the people we ask for feedback are nice but not kind. Kind people will tell you things a nice person will not. A kind person will tell you that you have spinach on your teeth. A nice person won’t because it’s uncomfortable. A kind person will tell us what holds us back, even when it’s uncomfortable. A nice person avoids giving us critical feedback because they’re worried about hurting our feelings.
• Champions: “Champions don’t create the standards of excellence. The standards of excellence create champions.” “Expecting high performance is a prerequisite to its achievement among those who work with you.  Your high standards and optimistic anticipations will not guarantee a favorable outcome, but their absence will assuredly create the opposite.”
• The USS Benfold — was one of the worst-performing warships in the US Navy in 1996. The destiny of the USS Benfold changed the day Michael Abrashoff was named commander.
• Shane was 13 years old. Shane was standing with a group of his friends after school and they were teasing one of his classmates and he was watching. Teachers intervened and it ended quickly. He didn’t realize that your dad was parked nearby and was watching. You have to stand up for people who don't have a voice.
• Warren Buffett: “The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard.”
• Brent Beshore: “My favorite part of the book was the section on habits, rules, and safeguards (page 101). A principle that Shane and I discussed in January changed my life and was expounded on in the book. Shane said, “It’s impossible to work out very often if you have to decide every day whether or not you’ll do it. That’s why I just do something active every day, no matter what.”
• Solutions/Ego: “Solutions appear when you stop bargaining and start accepting the reality of the situation. That’s because focusing on the next move, rather than how you got here in the first place, opens you up to a lot of possibilities. When you put outcome over ego, you get better results.”
• “Small plans don’t inspire, but consistently small actions create incredible results.”
• Knowing Your Defaults:
  • The emotion default - We tend to respond to feelings rather than reasons and facts
  • The ego default - We tend to react to anything that threatens our sense of self-worth or our position in a group hierarchy
  • The social default - We tend to conform to the norms of our larger social group.
  • The Inertia default - We’re habit-forming and comfort-seeking. We tend to resist change, and to prefer ideas, processes, and environments that are familiar.
• Ancient Greek word — Phronesis— the wisdom of knowing how to order your life to achieve the best results.
• Life/Career advice: "I'd give the same advice to someone who's trying to find someone to marry. Go on lots of dates. Experiment. Do stuff. Get out in the world. You can only connect the dots looking backward."
• If you want to develop good judgment, start by asking two questions:
  • What do I want in life?
  • And is what I want actually worth wanting?