The podcast discusses the irony of parents trying to make their children happy and how it can lead to adulthood anxiety. It emphasizes the importance of giving children the tools to handle life's challenges and be responsible for their own happiness.
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Quick takeaways
Focusing too much on making our children happy can lead to anxiety and a lack of problem-solving skills, so it is important to prioritize teaching them resilience and life skills.
Emphasizing happiness too much can result in fragile and dependent individuals, so instead we should focus on cultivating purpose, resilience, and the ability to manage frustration, indirectly contributing to their overall happiness.
Deep dives
Focus on the process, not the end state
Rather than solely focusing on making our children happy, which can lead to anxiety and a lack of problem-solving skills, we should prioritize teaching them the tools and resilience to navigate life. Dr. Becky, author of 'Good Inside', explains that emphasizing happiness too much can result in fragile and dependent individuals. Instead, we should focus on cultivating purpose, resilience, and the ability to manage frustration, thereby indirectly contributing to their overall happiness.
Helping children reach happiness through other means
Although our goal is to raise happy kids, simply trying to make them happy can be counterproductive. By understanding and trying to connect with our children, focusing on what truly matters, and offering guidance in developing purpose and resilience, we inadvertently assist them in achieving happiness in the long run. The key lies in empowering children to take responsibility for their own happiness, rather than solely relying on external factors or constant parental intervention.
A parent is only as happy as their unhappiest child, goes the expression. And even if that wasn’t true, even if it didn’t directly impact our own happiness, would any of us want our children to be unhappy? Of course not. We love them so much. The last thing we want is for them to feel pain.
We want their lives to be wonderful. We want them to have fun. We want them to have a great life. We want them to be happy!
There’s nothing wrong with this…except that oftentimes trying to make someone happy is a recipe for failure. “Happiness is not my ultimate goal for my own kids,” Dr. Becky Kennedy writes in her amazing book Good Inside (which we continue to rave about). “Unhappiness certainly isn’t my goal for them, but here’s a deep irony in parenting: the more we emphasize our children’s happiness and ‘feeling better,’ the more we set them up for an adulthood of anxiety.”
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