EP 263: You're Approaching Recovery All Wrong (Hint: & It's Not Your Strategy!) Here's the 3B Framework That Actually Works

We're already mid-January. Goals have been set. Maybe you wrote down "recover this year" or "heal my relationship with food" or "finally find freedom."

But here's what I need you to hear: Setting the goal isn't the problem. How you're approaching it is.

I was listening to a Tony Robbins podcast recently, and he said something that stopped me in my tracks: The reason why people don't get the results they're after is because they approach it all wrong. Most people start with the strategy—looking for the perfect plan, the magic formula, the one thing that's going to solve everything.

And when that strategy doesn't work, they think they failed. But the truth is, the strategy was never the problem. It's that they started in the wrong place.

This is SO true in eating disorder recovery.

People come to me all the time asking, "Lindsey, what's THE strategy? What did YOU do to recover? Just tell me the steps and I'll do it." And here's what I have to tell them: There are multiple ways of getting to recovery. No one way is THE way. And anyone who tells you there is only one way? Run from them.

In this episode, I'm introducing you to the 3B Framework—Being, Belief, and Blueprint—the exact approach I use with my private clients that actually gets lasting results. Because sis, the strategy isn't the first step. It's actually the LAST step. And that's why you've been stuck.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• Why starting with strategy is keeping you stuck in the recovery cycle
• The 3B Framework: Being, Belief, and Blueprint (and why the order matters)
• Why anyone promising "one proven way" to recover is lying to you
• The real reason my clients see lasting transformation (it's not the meal plan)
• My personal figure skating story and how old beliefs kept me trapped for years
• The moment at the ice rink that showed me I was finally free
• Why the patterns and behaviors won't change long-lasting if the soul work isn't met
• How to identify the story you've been telling yourself that's keeping you stuck
• Practical homework to excavate your core beliefs and rewrite your narrative

If you keep doing what you've always done, you're going to keep getting what you've always gotten. And I'm guessing you're tired of being stuck.

So let's change the approach. Let's do this differently. Let's actually get you FREE.

KEY QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE

💛 "Setting the goal isn't the problem. How you're approaching it is."

💛 "There are multiple ways of getting to recovery. No one way is THE way. And anyone who tells you there is only one way? Run from them."

💛 "The reason why my clients see results? It's because we don't start with the strategy. We start with something much deeper."

💛 "The blueprint won't matter if your being and your belief are still stuck in the old ways of thinking. We have to conquer those pieces first."

💛 "The strategy isn't the first bite of the salad, sis. It's actually the Being and the Belief. We have to unravel the WHY behind why we believe what we believe."

💛 "You can have the best meal plan. You can have the best treatment team. You can have all the tools and resources and support in the world. But if you don't change your BEING—if you don't shift your BELIEF—you're going to keep sabotaging yourself."

💛 "The smell of the rink was the same. But my belief and my identity weren't trapped in the sport anymore. I was healed."

💛 "There's a reason why we hang on to the eating disorder for so long. For me, it was because I didn't see myself as anything but that version of myself. But sis, it's time to believe bigger."

💛 "The patterns and behaviors won't change long-lasting if the internal work isn't met."

THE 3B FRAMEWORK EXPLAINED

This is the exact framework I use with my private coaching clients—and it's why they see actual, lasting transformation instead of just temporary fixes.

STEP 1: BEING (Your Current State)

This is where you are RIGHT NOW. What is the state of your current being?

• What is the urgency of your situation?
• What is your mental, emotional, and physical state when you come to me?
• Are you in crisis?
• Are you stuck in quasi-recovery?
• Are you white-knuckling your way through life pretending you're fine when you're actually dying inside?

We start here. Because if you don't get honest about where you are, you can't get to where you want to go.

Most people skip this step entirely. They want to jump straight to the strategy. But that's like asking for directions to a destination without telling me where you're starting from or what vehicle you're driving.

STEP 2: BELIEF (Your Core Story)

This is the story you've been telling yourself. What are the core beliefs driving your behaviors?

• What narrative have you been living in for months, years, maybe even decades?
• What do you believe about yourself, your body, your worth, your identity?
• Are you believing that you're only worthy if you're small?
• That food is the enemy?
• That control equals safety?
• That you'll never recover?
• That this is just who you are?

This is where we do the soul work. The deep work.

Because sis, the patterns and behaviors won't change long-lasting if the internal work isn't met. These beliefs are running the show. And until you identify them, challenge them, and replace them with truth, you're going to stay stuck.

There's a reason why we hang on to the eating disorder for so long. We have to unravel the WHY behind why we believe what we believe.

STEP 3: BLUEPRINT (Your Strategy)

This is the action plan. The "how do we get you there?" part.

But here's the key: The blueprint won't matter if your being and your belief are still stuck in the old ways of thinking.

We have to conquer Steps 1 and 2 first. Otherwise, you're just putting a band-aid on a wound that needs surgery.

You can have the best meal plan. You can have the best treatment team. You can have all the tools and resources and support in the world. But if you haven't changed your BEING and shifted your BELIEF, you're going to keep sabotaging yourself.

You're going to keep "cheating" on your meal plan. You're going to keep restricting in secret. You're going to keep pretending you're recovering while you're really just maintaining your eating disorder with a smile on your face.

Once we've addressed your being and your belief, THEN we can create a blueprint. Then we can map out the tools, the action steps, the meal plans, the support systems, the practices that will actually work for YOU.

But not before. Because the blueprint is useless without the foundation.

MY FIGURE SKATING STORY: WHEN BELIEF KEPT ME TRAPPED

Over winter break, I took my boys ice skating. And the moment I walked into that rink, I was hit with a wave of memories.

The smell of the ice. The cold, crisp air. The must from the hockey players and public skaters. I closed my eyes for a second, and it all came rushing back.

For so long after my recovery, skating was triggering for me. Because my entire identity as a figure skater was wrapped up in perfectionism and performance. Being the smallest was the best. Looking perfect was the goal. Technique over joy. Approval over freedom.

Those beliefs protected me during that season of my life. They gave me structure. They gave me control. They gave me a sense of worth when I felt worthless everywhere else.

But they also trapped me. They kept me stuck in an eating disorder that nearly killed me.

So for years, I avoided skating. Because I didn't know who I was without those beliefs. I didn't know if I could step onto the ice without falling back into that version of myself.

But this time? This time was different.

My oldest asked me to do a sit spin. And I thought, "Why not?" So I did it. And you know what? I nailed it.

The muscle memory was still there. My body remembered. But something else was different. I was different.

I wasn't focused on what others thought. I wasn't worried about my technique. I wasn't performing for approval. I was just... doing it. For fun. For the first time in my life, I was skating for JOY, not perfection.

It felt like freedom. It felt playful. No strings attached. No perfection required. Just me being a mom, showing my kids that their mom was once someone cool. And honestly? Feeling pretty cool in that moment.

And that's when it hit me: The smell of the rink was the same. But my belief and my identity weren't trapped in the sport anymore. I was healed.

WHY BELIEF IS THE GAME-CHANGER

That moment on the ice showed me something so important:

You can have all the skills. You can have all the muscle memory. You can have all the strategy in the world. But if your BELIEF about yourself hasn't changed, you'll always go back to the old patterns.

This is why so many of my clients come to me looking for the strategy, but they realize pretty quickly that they need something deeper.

They need to look at their BEING. They need to examine their BELIEF. Because the best strategy in the world won't work unless you're prepared to execute it. And you can't execute it if you're still operating from the old story.

RUN FROM THESE "ONE WAY" LIES

Run from anyone who says: ❌ A meal plan is the ONLY way to recover
❌ Intuitive eating is the ONLY way to recover
❌ You MUST follow a specific protocol
❌ There's a "proven recovery formula" that works for everyone
❌ Specific techniques are the answer for all people

Recovery isn't one-size-fits-all. It's not a linear path. It's not a checklist. It's deeply personal, deeply individual, and it requires way more than just a strategy.

YOUR HOMEWORK: EXCAVATE YOUR BELIEFS

Here's your one tangible action. Sit down with a journal and answer these questions:

✍️ What are 3 beliefs I have about myself, my body, or my eating disorder?

✍️ For each belief, ask: Is this true? Or is this my eating disorder talking?

✍️ What is the story I've been telling myself that's keeping me stuck in this old identity?

And here's the big one:

✍️ Who would I be without this story? Who am I BECOMING?

Get really honest with yourself. Excavate those beliefs. Challenge them. Question them.

Because sis, the strategy isn't going to save you. Your willingness to do the deep internal work is what's going to set you free.

Stop searching for the perfect strategy. Start looking at your being. Start examining your beliefs. Start doing the soul work.

Because that's where transformation happens.

READY TO WORK THE 3B FRAMEWORK? LET'S DO THIS TOGETHER

If you're thinking, "Lindsey, I need help with this. I can't do this alone. I need someone to walk me through Being, Belief, and Blueprint"—I hear you. And I'm here for you.

💛 THE RECOVERY COLLECTIVE

This is my group coaching community where we do this work together. We address your being, we challenge your beliefs, and we create blueprints that actually work. You'll have me, you'll have the community, and you'll have the support to actually make lasting change.

www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective 

💛 1:1 PERSONALIZED COACHING

If you're ready for deep, transformational work, if you want someone in your corner who's going to help you uncover those core beliefs and rewrite your story—let's work together. This is where we go ALL in on your recovery with radical change.

www.herbestself.co 

👉 Head to the link above & fill out a client application.

Let's stop playing games. Let's stop searching for the magic strategy. Let's do the real work. The deep work. The work that actually gets you free.

Connect with Lindsey:

🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms

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💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!

Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.

Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.

*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.