In this episode, Nickolas Butler explores finding meaning through caregiving, loss, and writing. At just 20 years old, Nick became his father’s legal guardian after a sudden brain aneurysm — a role he held for 23 years. What began as a family emergency became a long, complex journey that shaped his identity, his values, and his voice as a novelist. In this honest and moving conversation, Nick shares the emotional toll and unexpected wisdom that caregiving can bring, the power of presence, and how life’s hardest roles can also become its most transformative. Nick also discusses his latest novel, A 40 Year Kiss — a tender, hopeful story of second chances, aging, and old love — and how paying attention to real people’s stories fuels his fiction. If you’re navigating caregiving, grieving a loved one, or wondering how to stay open to creativity during hard seasons, this episode offers comfort, insight, and quiet strength.
Feeling overwhelmed, even by the good things in your life?
Check out Overwhelm is Optional — a 4-week email course that helps you feel calmer and more grounded without needing to do less. In under 10 minutes a day, you’ll learn simple mindset shifts (called “Still Points”) you can use right inside the life you already have. Sign up here for only $29!
Key Takeaways:
- Caregiving and the emotional complexities involved in becoming a legal guardian at a young age.
- The impact of caregiving on personal identity and life experiences over a long duration.
- The evolution of storytelling and the importance of listening to others’ stories in writing.
- The contrast between Butler’s darker previous works and his latest novel, which focuses on themes of love, family, and redemption.
- The exploration of “old love” and the realities of long-term relationships versus contemporary portrayals of romance.
- The challenges and nuances of aging, wisdom, and the search for guidance in later life.
- The personal relationship between the writer and their craft, including the writing process and routines.
- The complexities of addiction and recovery, particularly in relation to alcohol use.
- The significance of community and shared experiences, as illustrated through sports and personal anecdotes.
- The importance of embracing ambiguity and the nuanced nature of human relationships in both life and art.
If you enjoyed this conversation with Nickolas Butler, check out these other episodes:
How to Embrace the Important Elements of Life with Nickolas Butler
A Journey to Self-Discovery and Sobriety with Matthew Quick
For full show notes, click here!
Connect with the show:
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
The One You Feed 
