The Allender Center Podcast The Dynamics of DARVO
Jul 3, 2025
Explore the manipulative tactic of DARVO—Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender—widely prevalent in abusive relationships and power struggles. The hosts discuss the emotional turmoil faced by victims and the societal implications of these dynamics. They reflect on loyalty's complexities in church and politics, unveiling how silence can shield wrongdoing. Additionally, practical strategies like ‘Gray Rocking’ help people navigate boundaries with narcissists. Together, they emphasize the importance of community support and truth-telling as acts of resistance against oppression.
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Dish Rag Conflict as DARVO Example
- Dan Allender shares a humorous conflict about not squeezing the dish rag, revealing how DARVO happens in relationships.
- He initially denies and attacks Becky’s claim, showing how easy it is to fall into DARVO even unknowingly.
DARVO Explained
- DARVO means Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender and is a manipulation tactic often used to gaslight victims.
- It escalates denial into attacking the accuser and flipping roles to portray them as the offender.
DARVO Sustains Toxic Power
- DARVO is not an exception but a fundamental rule for gaining and sustaining power in toxic systems.
- It silences dissent by controlling reality and punishing those who challenge it.
