S2 Ep1151: Same-Sex Attraction, Female Sexuality, and Parenting LGBTQ Kids: Ellen Radcliff
Feb 8, 2024
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Ellen Radcliff, therapist and author, talks about her journey in faith and sexuality, explores the fluidity of female sexuality, and offers advice on parenting LGBTQ kids. They discuss embracing complexity, navigating uncertainty, repairing relationships, and setting boundaries in parent-child relationships.
When parents respond to their child's LGBTQ identity, they should set boundaries rooted in their faith while showing unconditional love and regularly reevaluate and maintain intentional connection for a healthy relationship.
Parents should consider their child's age when responding to their LGBTQ identity, setting boundaries and communicating lovingly for younger children, and evaluating if accommodation aligns with their beliefs for older children, while maintaining regular communication and intentional connection.
Parents can rectify mistakes by apologizing, acknowledging the hurt caused, and rebuilding trust and connection with their child, creating a safe space for expression while maintaining healthy boundaries rooted in their faith.
Deep dives
Understanding a Child's Identity Exploration
When a child expresses their LGBTQ identity, it is important for parents to respond with love, validation, and gratitude for their trust. Setting boundaries and taking time to process their own emotions is crucial. Parents should seek a clear conscience before God and determine what boundaries align with their faith while still showing unconditional love. Regularly reevaluating boundaries and having intentional connection with the child helps maintain a healthy relationship. It is vital for parents to avoid shaming or acquiescing out of fear, but instead find a balance of understanding and upholding their values.
Navigating Age Differences and Parental Authority
The response to a child's LGBTQ identity may vary based on their age. For younger children, parents can set boundaries that align with their faith and communicate them lovingly. With older children, parents can consider their own conscience and decide if they can accommodate certain requests without compromising their beliefs. Regular communication and intentional connection can support a healthy relationship with the child. Parents should remember that their child's identity may evolve and change over time.
Avoiding Common Mistakes and Seeking Reconciliation
The most common mistakes parents make are either shaming their child or acquiescing out of fear. However, these mistakes can be rectified by apologizing, acknowledging the hurt caused, and seeking to rebuild trust and connection with the child. Parents can create a safe space for their child to express their feelings and experiences while maintaining healthy boundaries rooted in their faith.
Responding to Invasive Requests and Protecting Children's Well-being
When a child expresses invasive requests such as binders or hormones, parents can inform them of the proven dangers and potential consequences. It is crucial to find the underlying desire or need behind the request and address it in a way that aligns with their faith and protects their well-being. Parents should take into account their child's age, maturity level, and seek guidance to make informed decisions that prioritize their child's safety and mental health.
Internalized misogyny as a factor in gender identity
The podcast episode explores the concept of internalized misogyny and how it may play a role in some cases where individuals, particularly young females, no longer want to identify as female. The speaker discusses how rigid gender stereotypes in society can lead some to believe that if they don't conform to traditional feminine norms, then they must identify as a man. Instead, the speaker advocates for a more nuanced understanding of gender expectations, emphasizing that personal preferences and interests do not define one's worth or identity in the eyes of God. Breaking free from these stereotypes and empowering individuals to embrace their unique characteristics is seen as a more healthy approach.
Parenting advice for repairing relationships with LGBT children
The episode provides advice for parents who may have made mistakes in their relationship with their LGBT child and are seeking to repair the fractured connection. The speaker suggests that parents begin by repenting before God and seeking forgiveness for any shortcomings. They also recommend acknowledging imperfections and past mistakes to the child, expressing genuine remorse, and asking for forgiveness. It is important for parents to respect the child's boundaries and autonomy, even if they do not respond as desired. Waiting patiently and expressing love without encroaching on their child's journey may be necessary. The speaker highlights the power of apologizing, even after many years, and shares stories of restored relationships resulting from genuine remorse and reconciliation efforts.
Ellen Radcliff, a therapist and the author of the forthcoming book: Love Covers Over: A Guide for Christian Parents Raising Kids in an LGBTQ+ World. Ellen channels her love for God, her clinical expertise, and her experience as a former lesbian to walk alongside individuals, couples, and families as they navigate the nuances of sex, sexuality, and gender in our modern world, while remaining rooted in their faith.
