Attention Different | Adulting with ADHD Breaking the Most Toxic Pattern in ADHD Relationships w/ Dr. Melissa Orlov
đź’ˇ What really happens inside an ADHD relationship, and how do couples break the cycle?
In this episode of the Attention Different Podcast, we sit down with Melissa Orlov — leading expert on ADHD-impacted relationships and author of The ADHD Effect on Marriage — to unpack the hidden patterns that shape communication, emotional safety, conflict, and partnership when ADHD is in the mix.
Melissa breaks down the core ADHD relationship cycle: how inconsistent executive functioning, forgetfulness, time blindness, and overwhelm collide with a non-ADHD partner’s anxiety, hyper-responsibility, or fear — creating a painful parent–child dynamic that neither partner wants, yet both fall into.
From medication safety and car-seat arguments to missed transitions and chore distribution, Melissa brings clarity, compassion, and actionable guidance to the hardest issues couples face.
She shows how to shift from “managing your partner’s ADHD” (impossible) → to managing the system together, based on strengths, safety, and radical acceptance.
And importantly, she explores the difference between:
- Wants
- Desires
- Deal breakers
… and how understanding these distinctions can save a relationship rather than sink it.
✨ Highlights
✔️ Why ADHD partners don’t “forget on purpose” (and why it still feels personal)
✔️ How resentment builds when one partner becomes the “manager”
✔️ Why you can’t make your partner change (but you can redesign the system together)
✔️ The difference between equal and equitable in household roles
✔️ How radical acceptance creates connection, not resignation
✔️ Why ownership, not control, is the foundation of healthy partnership
This episode is for anyone who’s ever asked: “Is this a relationship problem… or an ADHD pattern I don’t understand yet?”
đź“ş Watch the full conversation with Melissa Orlov on Attention Different YouTube:
👉 youtube.com/@attentiondifferent
We are Attention DIFFERENT not DEFICIT An advocacy and edutainment podcast centered on radical acceptance and neurodiveristy. Attention Different aims to de-stigmatize and build community by exploring the intricacies of living life and "adulting" with ADHD in the modern world. We periodically feature experts, special guests and influencers in the ADHD community.
If you enjoy the podcast please like, share, and subscribe!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Subscribe to our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV0lWgdvEhaI4p5MyxM5w3A?sub_confirmation=1
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Follow all of these if you want to be inspired in your ADHD journey
• Website - https://www.attentiondifferent.com
• Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/attention_different
• Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/attndifferent
• X - https://www.x.com/attndifferent