The Couples Therapist Couch 217: Stop Trying to Be Right in Your Relationship with Shane Birkel
Jul 30, 2024
In a thought-provoking discussion, Shane highlights the pitfalls of constantly trying to be right in relationships. He illustrates how this mindset leads to defensiveness and communication stalemates. By emphasizing the importance of respecting each partner's perspective, he advocates for healthy boundaries to enhance understanding. The conversation also dives into the impact of perfectionism on accountability and emotional connection. Ultimately, Shane encourages embracing authenticity over the need to be right, paving the way for more meaningful interactions.
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Denial Creates Stalemates
- Shane gives a concrete example of a partner saying they were hurt and the other denying it, which creates a stalemate.
- He shows how arguing over
Right-Wrong Traps The Therapist Too
- Stuckness about who's right traps both the couple and the therapist in a bind.
- Each partner's perspective deserves validity even when they disagree on facts.
Shift To Curiosity Not Defensiveness
- Move into curiosity instead of defensiveness when a partner says they were hurt.
- Seek to understand why it felt hurtful even if you disagree about the facts.