ERP 247: How To Turn Towards Your Partner To Strengthen Your Love

With modern day life, it is easy to get wrapped up in outside distractions and at times even turn towards these distractions as a way to avoid discomfort and pain. However, in the process of turning towards outside distractions (i.e. news, entertainment, phones, social media, etc), we are turning AWAY from our partner. 

Research helps us understand that how responsive partners are to each other is one of the biggest predictors of lasting relationship. Couples who turn towards each other have increased levels of trust, relationship satisfaction, passion and lovemaking. 

During this holiday season, and on the tail end of such a stressful year of 2020, what if you put your efforts into one of the most potent and powerful ways of creating connection by increasing the amount of times you turn towards your partner?  

 

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses: 

• What does "turning towards" your partner mean? 
• How small interactions between partners often leads to the overall sentiment of the relationship (either positive or negative). 
• The responsiveness rate of happy couples versus responsiveness rate of unhappy couples. 
• The difference between simple "bids" and complex "bids."
•  How "turning away" creates disconnect and disengagement and how "turning against" creates conflict, as well as possibility for engagement and repair. 
• The damage of dismissing bids and the negative outcomes on relationship. 
• How to increase the rate of responsiveness with our significant other
• Examples of specific ways of responding to our partner's bids and turning towards them.
• Check out this free guide to get 25 examples of turning towards your partner: 25 Days to Strengthening Your Love Through Kindness
• Check out this article to see Dr. John Gottman's list of minor bids for emotional connection (scroll to see the blue graphic). 

Mentioned:

• FREE guide: 25 Days to Strengthening Your Love Through Kindness
• ERP 125: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love (podcast)
• ERP 128: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Two (podcast)
• ERP 129: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Three (podcast)
• ERP 130: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Four (podcast)
• ERP 131: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Five (podcast)
• The Gottman Institute (website)
• Dr. Susan Johnson (website)
• Turn Towards Instead Of Away, By Zach Brittle LMHC (article)

 

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:  

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Twitter: @DrJessHiggins 

Website: drjessicahiggins.com  

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.