It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

High Conflict Patterns: Understanding Situational vs Long-Term Behavior • And We Introduce Conflict Influencer!

Jul 17, 2025

Explore the intriguing distinction between situational high conflict behaviors and long-term patterns that disrupt relationships. Discover how stress can trigger temporary conflicts while recognizing signs of persistent issues like blaming others and all-or-nothing thinking. Learn effective strategies to manage high conflict individuals, emphasizing solutions over past grievances. Plus, get introduced to Conflict Influencer, a new platform aimed at supporting those navigating treacherous interpersonal waters.

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INSIGHT

Situational vs Persistent High Conflict

High conflict behavior can be situational or a persistent pattern akin to chronic alcohol dependence.
Persistent high conflict personalities show blaming, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.

ANECDOTE

Mayor Bob's High Conflict Example

A political figure knocked down an airport employee displaying clear high conflict behavior.
His actions foreshadowed difficulties that led to resignation within months.

ADVICE

Avoid Escalation Traps

Avoid giving high conflict people insight into their behavior or focusing on emotions during conflict.
Don't label them with diagnostic terms as it escalates conflict and increases blame.

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Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the crucial distinction between temporary high conflict behaviors and established patterns of high conflict conduct. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, we address common misconceptions about conflict dynamics while introducing our new platform, Conflict Influencer, designed to support individuals navigating challenging relationships.

Understanding High Conflict Patterns

We examine how situational stress differs from persistent high conflict behavior patterns through an insightful analogy comparing one-time excessive drinking versus chronic alcohol dependence. While anyone may demonstrate high conflict behaviors temporarily during intense stress, persistent patterns typically manifest in:

Preoccupation with blaming others
All-or-nothing thinking
Unmanaged emotions
Extreme behaviors

The episode clarifies that high conflict patterns often emerge in close relationships but may remain dormant until triggered by significant life changes like divorce or job loss. We emphasize that effective responses avoid giving insight, emotional engagement, or labels, instead focusing on future solutions rather than past conflicts.

Questions We Answer in This Episode

Is high conflict behavior always situational?
Does conflict always require two participants?
How can professionals identify pattern-based versus situational conflict?
What approaches work best with individuals demonstrating high conflict patterns?
What resources are available through the new Conflict Influencer platform?

We also introduce ConflictInfluencer.com, our new online community and learning platform offering individual coaching, consultation services, and comprehensive support for personal conflict challenges. This platform provides both self-directed and guided learning options, making conflict management resources more accessible to individuals seeking ongoing skill development.

Special emphasis is placed on the importance of practice and support in building confidence when managing difficult interactions. We demonstrate how the same conflict management skills work effectively for both situational and pattern-based conflicts, while providing practical frameworks for understanding and navigating challenging relationships more effectively.

Additional Resources

Conflict Influencer: Enter our Conflict Influencer World—a place for anyone and everyone who needs help, support and skills for conflict along the spectrum, especially high-conflict.
Check out Sierralin Design!

Connect With Us

Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
Submit questions for Bill and Megan
Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(01:44) - Updates
(03:02) - Today’s Topics
(03:50) - Is High Conflict Situational?
(12:46) - Things to Avoid with an HCP
(13:06) - Four Things to Know to Avoid
(13:35) - Don’t Focus on Emotions
(14:12) - Avoid the Past
(14:31) - Don’t Tell Them They’re an HCP
(15:21) - Non-HCPs
(17:02) - Watch for Patterns
(18:12) - One HCP or Two People in Conflict?
(22:38) - Conflict Influencer
(32:07) - Questions
(42:26) - Wrap Up
(43:04) - Reminders & See You in September!

Learn more about our Conflict Influencer Class. Get started today!