Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the crucial distinction between temporary high conflict behaviors and established patterns of high conflict conduct. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, we address common misconceptions about conflict dynamics while introducing our new platform, Conflict Influencer, designed to support individuals navigating challenging relationships.
Understanding High Conflict Patterns
We examine how situational stress differs from persistent high conflict behavior patterns through an insightful analogy comparing one-time excessive drinking versus chronic alcohol dependence. While anyone may demonstrate high conflict behaviors temporarily during intense stress, persistent patterns typically manifest in:
- Preoccupation with blaming others
- All-or-nothing thinking
- Unmanaged emotions
- Extreme behaviors
The episode clarifies that high conflict patterns often emerge in close relationships but may remain dormant until triggered by significant life changes like divorce or job loss. We emphasize that effective responses avoid giving insight, emotional engagement, or labels, instead focusing on future solutions rather than past conflicts.
Questions We Answer in This Episode
- Is high conflict behavior always situational?
- Does conflict always require two participants?
- How can professionals identify pattern-based versus situational conflict?
- What approaches work best with individuals demonstrating high conflict patterns?
- What resources are available through the new Conflict Influencer platform?
We also introduce ConflictInfluencer.com, our new online community and learning platform offering individual coaching, consultation services, and comprehensive support for personal conflict challenges. This platform provides both self-directed and guided learning options, making conflict management resources more accessible to individuals seeking ongoing skill development.
Special emphasis is placed on the importance of practice and support in building confidence when managing difficult interactions. We demonstrate how the same conflict management skills work effectively for both situational and pattern-based conflicts, while providing practical frameworks for understanding and navigating challenging relationships more effectively.
Additional Resources
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Important Notice
Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.
- (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
- (00:42) - Updates
- (02:01) - Today’s Topics
- (02:49) - Is High Conflict Situational?
- (11:44) - Things to Avoid with an HCP
- (12:05) - Four Things to Know to Avoid
- (12:33) - Don’t Focus on Emotions
- (13:11) - Avoid the Past
- (13:29) - Don’t Tell Them They’re an HCP
- (14:19) - Non-HCPs
- (16:00) - Watch for Patterns
- (17:10) - One HCP or Two People in Conflict?
- (21:36) - Conflict Influencer
- (31:06) - Questions
- (41:25) - Wrap Up
- (42:03) - Reminders & See You in September!
It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People 
