The Examined Life

Is achievement culture killing our kids? [Khe Hy]

Oct 19, 2023

In this podcast, Khe Hy, author of the book Never Enough: When achievement culture kills our kids, discusses the detrimental effects of achievement culture on children. The podcast covers topics such as substance abuse and mental health among high-achieving students, modeling intensity and conditional self-acceptance, challenges and remedies of raising children in an achievement culture, seeking therapy for tantrums, importance of balancing outcome-focused activities, and reflections on helping others and living a good life.

41:06

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Khe Hy

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Quick takeaways

High-performing teenage kids are as likely to experience substance abuse and depression as those living in poverty or with incarcerated parents.

The pressure faced by students and parents is driven by a perception of scarcity and a desire to project status and self-worth onto their children.

Deep dives

The Pressure on High School Kids in Achievement Culture

The podcast episode delves into the immense pressure experienced by high school students in an achievement-oriented culture. The episode highlights quotes from students who feel overwhelmed and believe their self-worth is tied to their grades. It also discusses the alarming rates of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse among high-achieving students. The phenomenon is not limited to a specific geographic location but affects the top 25% of students across the country.

"Just doing it." The importance of praise and curiosity in relationships

01:20

The Demographics of Super Zips Across the Country

01:20

The Status Side of Parenting and its Impact on Kids

01:23

Introduction

3min

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Among High-Achieving Students

18min

Modeling Intensity and Conditional Self-Acceptance

3min

The Challenges and Remedies of Raising Children in an Achievement Culture

2min

Seeking therapy for tantrums

9min

The Importance of Balancing Outcome-Focused Activities

3min

Reflections on Helping Others and Living a Good Life

2min

[Ep. 19] High-performing teenage kids are considered an “at risk” group. Yup, they’re as likely as prone to substance abuse and depression as kids living in poverty or with incarcerated parents. How did we end up here? Don’t we just want what’s best for our kids? We look at this through the lens of parents and covering the role of status preservation, economic scarcity, needing validation, hyper-individuality and the utter lack of purpose.

Episode inspired by the book Never Enough: When achievement culture becomes Toxic — and what we can do about it by Jennifer Breheny Wallace.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.

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