The Art of Charm

chevron_right

The Secret Power of Losing | Dave Berke

Dec 8, 2025

Guest

Dave Berke

In this engaging discussion, Dave Berke, a retired Marine Corps fighter pilot and Top Gun instructor turned leadership coach, shares his unique insights on leadership and learning from failure. He emphasizes how losing can be a powerful teacher, encouraging humility and the importance of listening. Berke explores the detrimental effects of ego, the need for a culture of ownership, and how real mastery is about admitting mistakes rather than achieving perfection. His experiences reshape the meaning of success, highlighting leadership as a team-oriented endeavor.

01:00:29

forum

Ask episode

web_stories

AI Snips

view_agenda

Chapters

menu_book

Books

auto_awesome

Transcript

info_circle

Episode notes

insights

INSIGHT

Losing Keeps Ego In Check

Dave Berke says losing regularly keeps your ego in check and forces learning.
Embrace losses as the best opportunities to spot and fix mistakes.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Fix Team Gaps By Owning Your Role

If teammates underperform, ask what you can do differently to help them succeed.
Put ego aside and take ownership of communication and teaching gaps.

question_answer

ANECDOTE

Humbling Loss Against Top Gun

Dave Berke describes losing a dogfight to Top Gun's commanding officer at his peak performance.
The loss taught him complacency comes from underestimating opponents and diminishing your own effort.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Why losing is the best teacher

02:32 • 41sec

chevron_right

Becoming a Marine Corps fighter pilot

03:13 • 2min

chevron_right

Leadership is about the team

05:09 • 2min

chevron_right

Getting punched by feedback and ego

06:52 • 2min

chevron_right

Aggression plus openness to course-correct

08:37 • 1min

chevron_right

Ego: friend that can kill you

09:50 • 7min

chevron_right

Complacency and underestimating competition

16:43 • 6min

chevron_right

Turn defeat into learning habit

23:07 • 2min

chevron_right

Ownership: make failures useful

25:22 • 36sec

chevron_right

Perfection is admitting every mistake

25:58 • 5min

chevron_right

Creating a culture that admits mistakes

30:36 • 6min

chevron_right

Problems are leadership problems

Leadership capital and credibility

44:04 • 4min

chevron_right

Listen more: a hard personal lesson

47:56 • 6min

chevron_right

Lead from wherever helps the team win

53:43 • 4min

chevron_right

Be ready to serve out of your comfort zone

57:20 • 2min

chevron_right

Detachment: widen your perspective

• Mentioned in 195 episodes

Extreme ownership

How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win

Leif Babin

Jocko Willink

This book by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin focuses on the principle of 'Extreme Ownership,' where leaders take full responsibility for their actions and decisions. The authors use their experiences in the U.S. Navy SEALs to illustrate how this mindset can lead to success in any organization. The book covers various principles such as believing in the mission, checking ego, and leading by example. It emphasizes that leaders must own all failures, develop plans to overcome them, and ensure their teams are well-conditioned and aligned with the mission. The authors also stress the importance of humility, discipline, and effective communication in leadership.

AJ and Johnny sit down with Dave Berke, retired Marine Corps fighter pilot, Top Gun instructor, and leadership coach with Echelon Front. Dave shares lessons from the cockpit, the battlefield, and the boardroom on how to lead without ego, turn failure into fuel, and build teams that thrive under pressure.

From losing dogfights to learning humility, to redefining perfection and taking ownership, this episode reveals how real leaders balance confidence with curiosity — and why the best ones listen more than they speak.

Chapters:
00:00 – Losing is the best teacher
03:00 – Leadership lessons from the Marine Corps
07:00 – Ego, feedback, and the power of course correction
10:00 – How your ego “loves you to death”
15:00 – What losing to Top Gun taught about complacency
20:00 – Perfection is a lie — the real definition of mastery
25:00 – Building a culture of ownership
30:00 – Turning failure into credibility and leadership capital
40:00 – Learning to listen and communicate with empathy
50:00 – Leading from behind and redefining success

A Word From Our Sponsors

Stop being over looked and unlock your X-Factor today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠unlockyourxfactor.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

The very qualities that make you exceptional in your field are working against you socially. Visit the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠artofcharm.com/intel ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠for a social intelligence assessment and discover exactly what's holding you back.

If you’ve put off organizing your finances, Monarch is for you. Use code CHARM at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monarch.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ in your browser for half off your first year.

Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns.

Grow your way - with Headway! Get started at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠makeheadway.com/CHARM ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠and use my code CHARM for 25% off.

Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Need to hire top talent—fast? Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Save more than fifty percent on term life insurance at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠SELECTQUOTE.COM/CHARM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TODAY to get started

Curious about your influence level?

Get your Influence Index Score today!

Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Episode resources:

⁠EchelonFront.com

Check in with AJ and Johnny!