Episode 699: Decentering Men (and other people) Part 2: How to Stop Self-Abandoning & Practice Being Your Own Sun

Welcome back to my 2-part podcast episode, where I’m talking about how to “de-center” men (or really anything or anyone we’ve made the “sun” in our lives). We named the pattern: what it looks like to center men and the emotional, relational, and cultural costs when we orbit someone else’s needs at the expense of our own. Today we move from insight to action (Yay!). This episode is about how to stop self-abandoning without burning your life down, and what decentering looks like in real, everyday practice.

I’ll walk you through a clear framework you can try this week—tiny choices, boundary language, nervous-system support, and specific drills for dating, work, and long-term partnership. You’ll also hear a couple of personal moments that show how these tools play out when things get clear, messy, and very human.

This is what you’ll hear in this episode:

• A short recap of Part 1: a plain-language definition of “centering men” and why the costs keep adding up over time.
  

• How to spot the pattern in real time using quick questions (“Am I doing this for their comfort? For avoiding conflict? To not inconvenience someone else?”) and a pause before reacting.
  

• Relational autonomy in action: the “Two-Yes Rule”, and speaking your “why” without over-explaining.
  

• Exiting self-silence with nervous-system help: a scheduled anger/venting that doesn’t bleed into your relationships.
  

• Reframing “being disliked for having needs” as data—not disaster.
  

• Decentering drills for real life: speaking first and reclaiming your voice at work, and self-regulation + clear timing in partnerships.
  

• Shifting the ecosystem: auditing your media, re-centering women in your inputs, etc.
  

Decentering isn’t about rejecting or hating men; it’s about reclaiming yourself in a culture that has taught us that centering men will keep us safe and it’s the only option. My hope is that this episode gives you a practical path: notice the old bargain as it’s happening, choose one small values-aligned action, and let your nervous system catch up as you practice new boundaries. And please try the homework! Pick one domain where you tend to self-abandon, run a tiny experiment this week, and reflect on what your body and inner voice tell you. If this landed, share the episode and let me know what shifted for you! 

Resources from this episode:

Episode 697: De-Centering Men Part 1: What it means and what it costs us

Download a Free Digital Version of my upcoming book, Live Like You Give a Damn

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My Ketamine Therapy Journey secret podcast series

Book recommendations: I love a good personal development book, and you do too, right? I’ve compiled a list of book recommendations, as mentioned in past episodes. Check out these amazing book recommendations here. Happy reading!  

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