Why Lacking Charisma and Hanging Out with Toxic People Can Decrease Your Longevity with Vanessa Van Edwards
Nov 20, 2023
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Vanessa Van Edwards, a charisma expert and researcher, shares the science behind personality traits that promote longevity. Topics discussed include the benefits of charisma, key personality traits, cognitive load, connecting with children, verbal tools for better social interactions, red flags in relationships, fear centers in the brain, and the importance of practicing key reading.
Developing charisma and key personality traits can contribute to a longer and healthier life by improving social interactions and increasing overall happiness and well-being.
Highly agreeable individuals tend to live longer as they default to cooperation and seek to please others, while conscientious individuals are better at creating systems and habits that support their health and well-being.
Being aware of our self-narrative and actively shaping it can contribute to our happiness and longevity, while setting boundaries with toxic individuals is crucial for maintaining a healthy and supportive social circle.
Deep dives
The importance of extroversion and connection for longevity
Research shows that extroverts who have strong connections with others tend to live longer. The more connected we are, the more oxytocin we have and the more supported we feel. Highly extroverted individuals who surround themselves with supportive and loving people are more likely to lead healthier lives. Developing charisma and key personality traits can contribute to a longer and healthier life.
The impact of charisma on longevity
Charisma plays a role in living longer as it helps us build deeper connections with others. By developing habits and personality traits associated with charisma, we can improve our social interactions and increase our overall happiness and well-being. It doesn't require pretending to be extroverted, but rather understanding our social battery and creating meaningful connections that energize and support us.
The importance of personality traits for longevity
The Big Five personality traits, including openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism, have been studied in relation to longevity. Highly agreeable individuals, who default to cooperation and seek to please others, tend to live longer. Those who are conscientious and detail-oriented are better at creating systems and habits that support their health and overall well-being. Extroverts, who thrive in social environments and build strong connections, are also more likely to lead healthier, longer lives.
The power of self-narrative and toxic relationships
Our self-narrative, the story we tell ourselves about ourselves and our lives, greatly influences our behaviors and overall well-being. Being aware of our self-narrative and actively shaping it can contribute to our happiness and longevity. Additionally, recognizing toxic relationships and setting boundaries with individuals who drain our energy is crucial for maintaining a healthy and supportive social circle.
Ambivalent relationships are more draining and toxic than toxic relationships
Research suggests that ambivalent relationships, where there is uncertainty and mixed feelings about someone, can be more draining and toxic than outright toxic relationships. Ambivalent people are those whom we are unsure if they like us or if we like them. These relationships can be exhausting as we constantly question their support, enjoyment, and intentions. Studies with police officers found that those who had ambivalent coworkers experienced lower happiness, higher workplace stress, and worse immune function compared to those with toxic coworkers. This is because toxic relationships are easier to manage by keeping interactions superficial, while ambivalent relationships create constant emotional turmoil and uncertainty.
Identifying nonverbal red flags in relationships
In relationships where support is desired, it is important to watch for nonverbal cues that indicate withholding or close-mindedness. Red flags include lip pursing, which suggests holding back or withholding something. Fear micro expressions, characterized by widened eyes and raised eyebrows, indicate fear or nervousness. Disgust expressions, such as crinkling the nose, show aversion or dislike. Fake happiness, where the smile does not reach the eyes or upper cheek muscles, can indicate insincerity. By being attentive to these nonverbal cues, one can decode what is truly going on in a relationship and adjust communication accordingly, including pausing conversations and addressing any discomfort or distortions in perceptions.
Did you know being more charismatic and having key personality traits can help you live longer and make your daily life easier? Whether you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert, knowing your tendencies on these traits and knowing whether they bring you life or drain your energy is critical. If you're curious about the science behind what helps people thrive, this episode is for you.
Today on The Dhru Purohit Podcast, Dhru sits down with Vanessa Van Edwards, an expert on the science of people. Vanessa deep dives into the science behind personality, behaviors, and narratives that can help promote longevity. She shares the research about how we view the world and its connection to what we manifest in our lives.
Vanessa Van Edwards is a multi-time bestselling author and renowned behavioral researcher on professional communication and leadership. Vanessa’s work has been featured in national and international media and to audiences in workshops worldwide.
In this episode, Dhru and Vanessa dive into (audio version / Apple Subscriber version):
How charisma can help you live longer and get what you want (1:57 / 1:57)
Key personality traits that we can develop to help you live longer (3:00 / 3:00)
How life becomes easier when you step into your charisma (16:19 / 13:17)
How to take the cognitive load off your mind and ask key questions (24:15 / 20:48 )
A practice that parents can use to connect to their children (25:47 / 22:22 )
Nonverbal cues you can look for in a conversation that show dopamine and oxytocin stimulation (28:31 / 25:08)
Dhru shares two questions that he uses to form a connection: what are you navigating, and what are you celebrating (32:00 / 28:14 )
The three levels of intimacy to assess what questions to ask (33:32 / 30:08)
The hero and victim self-narrative (36:29 / 33:03 )
How your perception of luck changes what you manifest (38:04 / 34:48)
Practical tips on breaking free of toxic relationships (42:30 / 39:11)
Why ambivalent relationships are more harmful to your body than toxic relationships (46:11 / 42:42)
Red flags in a relationship and physical cues to look for (49:13 / 46:50)
How to be a master communicator and take red flags as an invitation to repair (57:24 / 56:22)
Strengthen your ability to decode (1:03:05 / 59:20)
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