The Hidden 20%

“The One Thing About Autism That F*cks Me Off” - My Wife, Sam Branson Opens Up

Dec 3, 2025
Sam Branson, a devoted mother and wife, offers an unfiltered look into life with autism in her family. She shares the evolution of her marriage since their daughter River's diagnosis and the challenges of autistic shutdowns from both perspectives. The couple discusses their differing parenting styles, with Sam advocating for independence while Ben tends to intervene. They emphasize the importance of neurodiversity-aware schooling and provide heartfelt advice for families navigating similar journeys. This candid conversation encourages understanding and compassion throughout the ups and downs.
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INSIGHT

Recognising Shutdown Patterns

  • Sam recognises Ben's shutdowns by patterns: overload, distance, hyper-focus, then emotional vacancy.
  • She still struggles to act calmly even when she predicts a shutdown because reality differs from planning.
ANECDOTE

Leaving During Shutdowns Hurts

  • Sam describes the hurt when Ben leaves during shutdowns, sometimes going to a hotel without meaningful check-ins.
  • She feels abandoned, not by fear but by the lack of emotional goodbye and continuity for the kids.
INSIGHT

Shutdowns Create An Impenetrable Vacancy

  • Ben explains he doesn't realise when a shutdown starts and becomes vacant, mute, and unreachable.
  • That vacancy forms an almost impenetrable armour that makes closeness and help impossible.
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